Trepidation
by Arianna-rules
Summary: Clark's deepest fear compels him to do something that crumbles his relationship with Lois because when fear takes over love, then the latter falls apart.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Trepidation**

**Author: Me**

**Rating: NC-17, R**

**Spoilers: None**

**Summary:**Clark's deepest fear compels him to do something that crumbles his relationship with Lois because when fear takes over love, then the latter falls apart.

**A/N: **Not the greatest piece of work, just an idea that I've had in my mind for a long time and finally I shaped it up into this. Reviews are highly appreciated.

**Chapter 1**

"_The worst sorrows in life are not in its losses and misfortunes, but its fears" __**- **__**Arthur Christopher Benson**_

It was a deep and distant sound.

He opened his eyes and blinked several times. There was nothing in front of his eyes but a complete darkness encompassed into a mind numbing silence that was occasionally permeated by that unfamiliar and horrifying sound that pierced through the curtains of a dreadful stillness and leaped into his ears, terrifying him to the core.

He inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying hard to be able to see, to be able to understand or make a modicum of sense out of his surrounding. He had little awareness of what was going around him except for the fact that he was standing in some really dark place and there was no one around him. He could not see or hear anything, except that one sound, that occasionally echoed into the silence.

And then he heard it again.

He quickly looked around, once again trying hard to see something, to find out where that sound was coming from. He still had no idea where he was or what was going on around him, except that the sound that he was hearing was a deep cry.

A cry of pain, sorrow and loss.

None of this was making any sense to him. Where was he? How did he get here? Was this even real?

"Hello," he said cautiously.

His voice echoed, crashed against the unseen walls around him and came back to his ears. He began to feel as if he was standing in a vacuum or a tunnel.

"Hello," he said again, more wary and uncertain than he was before, almost scared of what he might find out.

He hesitatingly took a step forward, fearing that if he would move even an inch; he'd probably fall into an abyss. However, he did not fall. Instead, his foot found a firm ground underneath him. It gave him a little courage as he took another step, and then another, in the same direction. With each step, he gained back a little more of his composure and self-control, until he finally started running, in hope of finding an end to this tunnel and finding some light.

However, the moment his heart wished to escape this inexplicable trap, the crying voice started echoing all around him, as if surrounding and chasing him.

"Who is this?" he yelled, gathering all his strength as he abruptly stopped and looked around, "Where am I?"

His voice echoed in the vacuum, mixed with the cry of pain.

He had never felt this helpless and confused in his whole life.

Suddenly, a ray of light filtered into the darkness, pouring itself into the vacuum as it gradually illuminated his bleak surroundings. He thanked God that his eyes were finally able to see something for he had now started to fear that he had turned blind. He looked at the light hoping to eventually find out where he was and who brought him here. However, as the light grew, he realized that his initial guess were right. He really was standing in some kind of an endless vacuum and there was nothing around him but an infinite darkness. The blinding white light slowly grew and enveloped his surrounding. He was now more perturbed and confused with the strange light than he was with the darkness few moments ago.

"Hello, who is this? Where am I?" he begged his questions again.

The light started to morph into a vision. His eyes widened with surprise at what he was seeing in front of him as the light converged on one point and formed a halo. Inside the halo, he could see a man. He cautiously took a step closer to him having o idea who or what he was.

"Hello," he uttered warily as he approached the man, "Who are you?"

The man didn't look up, instead he screamed in pain. It was the same cry that he had been hearing all this time. He was shaken with the agony in the man's voice.

"Why are you crying? What happened?" he asked as he knelt down in front of the man.

The light around the man illuminated a little more and he realized that he was holding a lifeless body in his arms. It was a body of a woman whom he held closer to his heart as he cried and cradled her.

He continued to look, not knowing what to say or do. Suddenly, the man looked up and stopped crying. His eyes held hatred, anger and contempt as he looked at him. He immediately recognized him. He had seen him when he was trying to save people from a derailed train. He was crying just like this, holding a woman's dead body in his arms. He realized that it was the same woman in his arms.

"She died, because you didn't save her," the man suddenly said.

"What?" he was taken aback with the sudden accusation.

"She died because of you," the man repeated angrily.

"Because of me," he couldn't believe it as he shook his head, "No, I didn't do anything; I was trying to save people,"

"You're lying," the man said.

Then something happened that baffled and horrified him. The woman who was apparently dead suddenly opened her eyes and looked at him. He took a step back, frightened and astonished as he witnessed her getting up. Her pale and lifeless skin was covered with blood that had now turned black. Her white lips moved as she said something. He could not decipher it at first, until her voice raised in anger and he could see hatred in her dark eyes.

"You killed me," she pointed a finger at him.

"No… I didn't," he took a step back traumatized by the dreadfulness of the sight before him.

"Why didn't you save me?" she asked.

"I… I…"

Suddenly, the halo of light disseminated and leaped towards him, he quickly turned around to run, and to save himself but the light encircled him before he could even move. He blinked his eyes disbelievingly as he noticed that countless faces had started to emerge from the darkness into the light. They were faces of lifeless corpses who suddenly opened their eyes and looked at him with the same hatred and contempt that he had seen in that man's eyes. He could not do anything but frantically witness this horrifying sight, not knowing what to do and where to go.

"I died because you didn't save me," one of them suddenly said.

"You didn't save me,"

As he heard a voice of a small child, he looked down. He was about six or seven years old. Blood was dripping from his forehead and he was looking up. He was frozen in his place as he noticed the hollow circles in place of his eyes.

"You can't save everyone Superman, you're useless," he heard another voice and turned around, his heart thumping uncontrollably inside his chest.

"No… I try… I try to save everyone…" he tried to defend himself, trying hard to keep his composure and to make some sense out of where he was and what was going on.

"You are lying," the man who sat on the floor with the dead body in his arms yelled in anger, "You don't save everyone… a lot of people die,"

"No… I… I…" he did not know what to say.

"But what would you know of that… you have never lost a loved one… how you would know the pain…" the man said as he looked at him, his eyes turning red in anger.

"You killed me," another voiced echoed behind him and then it multiplied into several different voices, the accusation, however, was the same.

"No… no," he took a step back, his hands rising up to cover his ears and stop those voices from reaching his ears, but as soon as he looked at his hands, he was rattled by the sight before him.

His hands were covered in blood.

He lowered his head and looked at himself.

His clothes were tattered and the symbol representing his family crest that he always wore on his chest with pride was soaked in blood.

He shook his head in despair as he looked up again. The corpses were now closing in from every direction, with so much abhorrence and disgust in their eyes that he felt that they would kill him.

Their voices had now turned into a chant that echoed around him.

"You killed us,"

"I did not, please listen to me," he screamed as their blood covered hands grabbed him and they threw him into a dark and endless abyss.

Suddenly his eyes opened and he jerked up. He looked around frantically, blinking several times. His heart was thumping hard inside his chest and he was panting breathlessly. He closed his eyes once again and then opened them slowly, as if trying hard to believe that he was not really falling into some horribly dark pit and his current surroundings were real and not an illusion. He inhaled and exhaled deeply running his hands in his hair. As his fingers touched his forehead; he felt the numerous beads of sweat resting on it.

He looked around once again and the soft light and the familiar surroundings of the bedroom in his Metropolis penthouse made him realize that he had been dreaming.

Calling it a nightmare was more appropriate.

Few minutes later, his breathing and his heartbeat were gradually returning to normal, falling into the usual steady routine. He sat motionless in his bed for a long time. The closed door of the large bedroom, the furniture, the clothes lying on the chair and the discarded undergarments on the expensive carpet that lay on the floor made him sigh in relief as he began to feel safe and alive again. He was in his home, inside his bedroom.

He shuddered, unnerved at the thought of how horrendous that dream was and still astonished at how real it felt. He hesitatingly lifted up his hands and sighed in relief when he realized that they were not covered in blood. Once again he looked at everything in the room to make sure that it really was a dream, and then his gaze traveled to a small frame that rested on the side table of the huge double bed. He picked it up and looked at the picture that rested inside that simple and beautiful silver frame. It was taken on the most memorable day of his life – on his wedding day.

He was standing on the porch of his parents' farmhouse in Smallville with his arms around her waist and her hands rested over his. The wedding ring was shining on her finger. Both of them were looking at the camera with huge smiles on their faces. He ran his fingers on the picture and a smile appeared on his lips at the memory of the day when she became his forever. It was her favorite picture among all the ones taken on their wedding day; hence she had decided to keep it next to their bed so she could look at it whenever she wanted to.

He put the picture back on the table and his head turned around to look at the woman who slept next to him. She was lying on her stomach. The blanket had covered her lower back and some part of her long and beautiful legs. He merely watched her as she slept peacefully. Her long and dark hair was scattered over the pillow and on her shoulders, covering some part of her bare back. Her one hand was resting on the pillow and the wedding ring was still shining on her finger. A small smile played on her lips. She was the loveliest sight in the world when she was asleep because she looked so innocent and childlike, a complete contrast to the hurricane she was when awake.

"_But what would you know of that… you have never lost a loved one… how you would know the pain…"_

Suddenly the words from the dream echoed in his ears and he shuddered in fear. He began to feel as if the corpses from his dream would suddenly re appear in front of him. He had never felt so scared in his life.

People called him Superman – he was their hero, the man who saved lives every day, who helped everyone and gave the world a new hope every single day. How could anyone ever relate the word 'fear' to him? How could he ever tell anyone that he was afraid too? He was afraid of loosing someone he loved.

Because even he could not save everyone.

The corpses in his dream had asked him a question – what if some day he would fail to save the person he loved most. How would he feel then?

He had no answer to this question. He saved lives everyday. To everyone in the world, he was a hero, a modern day miracle, a man who selflessly protected everyone but even he could not save everyone.

What if someday, the person he would fail to save would be the one he loved most?

He was shaken to the core with this horrifying thought. He lied down and put his arm around her, pulling her close to him, protectively in his arms so that her warmth and the steady rhythm of her breathing could give him assurance that she was well, and she was safe. As soon as he pulled her closer, she turned around and wrapped her arm around his neck. He pulled her even closer to his heart, holding her tightly.

"I love you Lois," he whispered in her ear.

_Continued.._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Next morning, Lois stepped out of the bedroom, buttoning her cream colored blouse that she wore with a dark brown skirt. A smile appeared on her lips as she crossed the large living room and entered the kitchen. The thing that she loved most about life was to be greeted by the tempting aroma of coffee when she woke up in the morning, and off course, catching the sight of the man she loved.

He stood in front of the kitchen window, bathed in the warm glow of the summer sunlight, with a cup of coffee in his hands. Lois found her heartbeat suddenly increasing as her eyes caught the sight of him. God, how could a man be so perfect and gorgeous? She often asked herself this question when she looked at her husband. She could not believe how he still made her feel weak in the knees even after three years of being married to him, not to mention having known him for six years before that.

The black slacks and the crisp white dress shirt made him look just so handsome that she felt that she could stand there and watch him all day. His gaze was set on the horizon and he was probably in some deep thought. That window was their favorite spot in the penthouse that they had bought last summer. They often used to stand there at the time of sunrise and sunset, bathed in its soft light, and talked about everything and nothing.

She silently walked up behind him and put her arms around his waist. He was suddenly pulled out of the labyrinth of his thoughts as he put down his half-empty coffee mug and grabbed her hand, pulling her in front of him.

"Hey," she smiled.

Instead of replying he kissed her softly on the lips, putting his arms around her and pulling her closer to him.

His tie was hanging around his neck, undone. As a daily ritual, she began tying it while he simply watched her. God, how was it possible for her to look so beautiful? Her flawless skin and her hazel eyes that eternally shined like diamonds added to the elegance of her beautiful features. Her hair that was still slightly damp from the shower she had taken rested on her shoulders. The mixed aroma of her sweet perfume and her lavender shampoo made her so irresistible that he wanted to just carry her back to the bedroom and make love to her.

A faint blush appeared on her cheeks as she lifted up her eyes and noticed him dreamily staring at her. She always blushed when she realized that he was staring at her or watching her intently and he found it so fascinating. Lois Lane and shy weren't exactly two words that you could put in one sentence, but he was the only man in the universe who could made her blush like this, and it was an achievement that he was quite proud of.

As he looked at her, he felt that his world was complete. As long as she was there, as long as she was in his arms, she loved him and she was around him, he did not need anything else.

Suddenly the events of last evening flashed before his eyes, followed by the memories of the dreadful dream that he had seen last night. His smile immediately disappeared, replaced by worry. He felt as if something was being taken away from him. Lois had finished fixing his tie and ran her fingers over his collar, putting it in place before she gave her head a satisfying nod.

While an unknown fear suddenly took over him.

Lois noticed the change in his mood as soon as his hands loosened their grip on her waist. She looked at the uncertainty that was crossed on his face right now and immediately realized that something was wrong.

"What is it Clark?" she asked.

"What? Nothing," he was snapped out of his thoughts as he realized that his inner conflict was becoming evident on his face now.

"Something's bothering you isn't it?" she asked, "What is it?"

"Nothing… just, lot of work lately," he said as he tried to brush off her concern and look normal.

"When has lot of work bothered you?" she asked, scrutinizing his face.

He knew that she could read him like a book. It was impossible to hide his apprehensions and worries from her.

"Clark… what is…" her sentence was left incomplete as a look of realization crossed her face and her contemplation was replaced by fear, "You're not going back to New Krypton are you?"

"No," he vehemently shook his head, shuddering at the thought of leaving Lois alone once again.

She sighed in relief.

"What is it then?" she asked again.

He took a step back and his hands freed her from his grip before he turned around.

"It's nothing," he said and then sighed resignedly, knowing that he could never fool her, "Well… not exactly nothing,"

"Clark, talk to me," she said as she walked around him and stood in front of him.

"It's about yesterday," he said, his voice shivering a bit.

"What about yesterday?" she asked.

"Lois… you know what happened, so many people died, I was there, still I couldn't save them," he said.

Lois suddenly realized what was troubling him.

Off course.

Last evening a bullet train had derailed in Seville due to some explosion. It was suspected as a terrorist attack but nothing had been officially confirmed yet. He had been there till late night, trying to pull out as many people alive as he could and rushing the injured to the paramedics to be given medical attention, but he could not save everyone. Almost fifty people had died in the incident. The Spanish government had thanked Superman greatly for his help and for the lives that he had saved. Every single news channel and newspaper in the world had called him a hero, as always.

But here that hero was, standing in dismay and despair.

Because he had been unable to save everyone. Because people had still died. Lois knew that it was something that always depressed him.

"You should have seen the look on that man's face Lois," he said as he took a step closer to Lois and looked at her, his eyes were filled with nothing but pain and regret.

"What man?" she asked in a soft tone as she placed one hand on his shoulder and held his wrist with another.

"There was a woman…" he tried to gather words, "She had died… and there was a man who was holding her body in his arms… I don't know how they were related… she was probably his wife or his sister… or a friend… I don't know,"

"And?" Lois asked, in the same soft and composed voice, as if trying to soothe him, trying to let him open up to her.

"Lois he looked at me with so much anger, it was as if his eyes were telling me that I was a failure," Clark replied.

"Clark, he was angry at his loss, not at you," Lois said, "And you were _not _a failure,"

"To him I was Lois," he said, his voice burdened with remorse.

"Clark, you cannot save everyone," Lois said the words that she had said to him so many times in the past.

"You're right Lois," he said in a broken voice, "I can't,"

Lois was surprised. Every time she said those words to him, he disagreed with her. He vehemently refused to accept this truth and told her that he would always try to find a way to save everyone. That it was his job and it was something that he was determined to do.

But today, he had accepted his defeat without any fight. Lois felt that her heart was threatening to break into thousand little pieces as she looked at the helplessness on his face.

"Clark," she said his name softly.

There was a battle going inside his head since last night after he had woken up from that dream, whether to tell Lois about it or not. She already shared enough of his burdens and conflicts; he didn't want to give her more reasons than she already had to worry about him and his alter ego. Finally he had decided that he won't tell Lois anything.

She took his face in her hands and made him look at her.

"Clark, you tried, you did your best," she said, "Like you always do, and that's what is important,"

"That's the thing Lois…" Clark said as he looked at her, "I tried, but I've failed… what if…"

"What if what?" she asked.

"Lois what if someday, the person I fail to save is someone I love, I care about," he said, "That man… who looked at me, it was as if he was asking me how would I feel if I had lost someone I loved as much as he loved that woman,"

He told her about the words from his dream that had been echoing in his ears since last night, without revealing about the dream itself.

He sounded so broken that Lois felt a lump in her throat. She tried hard to fight her tears as she looked at him. She had to be the brave one, she firmly told herself. His conflict and his pain were heartbreaking to her, yet she had to be strong so he could become his strength.

She stood contemplatively for a moment, trying hard to collect some words. It was ironic. A Pulitzer winning journalist not knowing how to put the words together. But the truth was, when it came to her husband and his alter ego and the struggles he faced as Superman, she sometimes felt that she had ran out of words to soothe and calm him, to give him courage and to give him hope.

"Clark, that won't happen, you're always there for everyone, you're always there for me, you've saved me so many times and I know you always will," she said in a reassuring tone.

There was a moment's silence as they looked in each other's eyes.

"What if I run late someday Lois?" he whispered his question as he looked at her face, pouring all his fears into his words.

_Continued.._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Lois sat on her desk at the Daily Planet, rummaging through a pile of papers before she heard Clark's voice and looked up. He stood near the entrance of the newsroom, with a cup of coffee in one hand and a thin folder in another, talking to one of their newest female interns.

"Thank you so much for your help Mr. Kent," the young blonde internee drawled out with a huge grin plastered over her face.

"You're welcome Emily," Clark nodded and smiled good-naturedly, completely oblivious of the fact that the girl was about to swoon.

Lois rolled her eyes and shook her head on how he had absolutely no idea about the effect he had on people, on women in particular.

Almost every woman at their workplace had a crush on him but this newest internee was a bit too much in Lois's opinion. She was always running to Clark with one issue or another, just to strike a conversation with him and blatantly check him out while at it. Lois eyes narrowed as she stared at the internee's back, wishing to get her husband's heat vision only for a couple of minutes, so she could fry her.

Clark approached Lois's desk and placed the cup of coffee in front of her.

"Thanks," an instant smile formed on her lips as she tore her gaze away from the intern and looked at the cup of hot, steaming coffee in front of her, breathing in the strong aroma, "Mmmm… just what I wanted,"

"Don't thank me Lois," he said in a serious tone, "This is your third cup of coffee in the past one hour, that's too much caffeine,"

"There's nothing like too much caffeine Smallville," she picked up the cup from the table, while her gaze never left his face, "Besides, how would my journalistic instincts kick in if I don't have enough coffee my system,"

"Why do I even argue with you?" he sighed in frustration.

"Yeah… why Smallville?" she dramatically batted her lashes, a mischievous grin starting to form on her lips.

He stared hard at her. Her eyebrow shot up challengingly as she put the coffee stirrer in her mouth. He rolled his eyes as he settled down on his chair and began looking at his laptop.

Lois continued to look at him with a small smile playing on her lips. He looked much more relaxed now than he did this morning and that was a relief. However, she felt that he was still holding something back, as if there was something bothering him but he was trying hard to fight it and look normal.

"We should go out for lunch," she suddenly suggested.

He was surprised for a moment as he looked at her and then nodded.

"Okay,"

"There's this really nice Mexican restaurant round the corner, they have the best chicken chalupas in the world," Lois's mouth watered at the mere thought of them.

Lois merely wanted to go out for lunch as an excuse to spend some time with him so she could take his mind away from the burdening thoughts that had been bothering him lately. After all, she had to take care of the man who took care of everyone else in the world.

"Fine," Clark nodded again, deeply engrossed in looking at the folder in front of him.

A lot of things had changed in their lives in the past few years. From the basement of this decades-old building that belonged to one of the largest newspapers in the world, they had traveled up to the top story, from junior staff reporters they had been promoted to staff reporters and now senior staff reporters. From college dropouts they had become post graduates in journalism. She had won a Pulitzer Prize last year and he had been nominated for one this year.

The "Blur" was now known as "Superman" to the entire world, after she had given him this name in one of her headlines. The \S/ emblem that represented his Kryptonian heritage and his family crest was now synonymous with the words hope, truth and justice all over the world.

That was not all. A lot of things had changed in their personal lives too. From friends they had become a couple and from a couple they had become a married couple. Last year, they had moved out of their small one-room apartment to an opulent penthouse in the heart of the city.

But some things hadn't changed, like their desks were still across each other. They had been offered separate cabins by their new Editor in Chief but they had refused only because they still wanted to sit across each other like they always had, from the day they had started working together.

Lois continued to stare at him while she finished her coffee and then she went back to the paper work she had been doing.

"Clark, do you spell _placate _with double 'c' or just one?" she asked, her gaze still fixed on her laptop screen.

"Just one," he replied and looked up at her.

"I thought so," she replied, putting in her mouth the last one of star-shaped cinnamon cookies that her sister had sent her from Germany last week.

He shook his head as he wondered how someone could eat so much junk food and still have such a perfect body as she had. As he watched her, he felt that he would not be able to tear his eyes away from her because she looked so beautiful. Her hair was tied into a ponytail, something that she often did when she started working on a story, because she found it distracting to leave her hair open while writing.

She didn't even notice that he was staring at her. She was indulged into a world of her own. Reading and re-writing her paragraphs, and occasionally nibbling on her pencil while thinking of something. She mumbled something as she looked at her laptop screen and then her nose crinkled, indicating that she wasn't happy with the outcome.

Clark continued to observe the changing expressions on her face with a small smile playing on his lips, until his gaze lowered from her face to her skin-fitted cream colored blouse. He suddenly felt that he was having difficulty in breathing as the thought of her silky skin beneath that fabric crossed his mind. They were at work; he reminded himself as he tore his gaze away from her body with much difficulty and lifted his eyes up to her lovely face again.

His male coworkers envied him, especially those who had been married for three or more years. To them it was a mystery how he and Lois were still all over each other even after being married for three years because for most of them, it didn't take more than six months or a year for that flame of love to die down. Clark didn't have an answer to any of their questions. He had no idea how instead of fading into the steady routine of life, the fire of their passion and love for each other burned brighter and brighter each day, and it felt as if it was only growing, instead of dying down. He felt each day that he needed her more than ever.

Every day, he flied around in various parts of the world, helping people who were in one peril or another. After witnessing the pain and suffering around him, he had only one comfort at the end of the day – to return to his home in Metropolis, in the arms of the woman who would wash away his sorrow and pain.

She was always there with a smile to welcome him, without ever complaining about anything. To the world, she was an aggressive, abrasive and arrogant woman, who couldn't stand to loose an argument, who didn't consider anyone her equal, a reporter who would do anything to get a story and would go to any length to uncover the truth. To him, she was so much more than that, she was a friend, a lover and a partner.

She not only just understood him and shared his pain and worries; she also gave him the happiness that no one ever could. When he was alone in some remote part of the world, he often recalled and cherished the memories of all those moments in the darkness and silence of the nights when she melted in his arms during their lovemaking and her repeated confessions of love and her soft laughter that lingered in his ears hours after she fell asleep in his arms brought a smile on his face.

People called him a hero; they called him the 'Man of Steel', if only he could tell them that there was a woman who was stronger than he was, a woman who protected him so he could protect the world.

"_But what would you know of that… you have never lost a loved one… how you would know the pain…"_

Suddenly the words from his dream echoed in his ears and he was shaken out of his blissful thoughts. He felt his heartbeat increasing as he continued to look at his wife, his thoughts now running in a completely different direction.

She protected him from the pain and sorrows but was he protecting her well enough? What if he would fail someday?

It wasn't a new fear for him because Lois was about anything but playing safe. She was a magnet for danger. Her breakneck attitude landed her in one troublesome situation after another. He had often saved her in a nick of time when a slightest deviation or delay would have killed her. They had so many confrontations about this in the past that he had lost count, but recently, he felt that his fear had become stronger than ever, and his dream last night was some sort of a warning.

What if someday Lois would be in some danger and he would fail to get there in time to save her?

He shuddered at the thought.

Suddenly, the intercom on Lois's desk rang and the sound brought him out of the labyrinth of his depressing thoughts.

"Yes," she replied.

"Lane, in my office, now," their Editor in Chief yelled so loudly that even Clark could hear it.

She sighed and stood up.

"What's wrong?" Clark asked, a playful smile forming on his lips as he looked up.

"Nothing, I guess he has seen the draft of the latest story I've written on the Carry Enterprises hostile takeover," she replied nonchalantly, "Be back in a moment,"

With these words, she turned around and walked out of the bullpen.

He slightly shook his head as he watched her leave. The way their EIC had shouted on the phone had made it pretty evident that she was definitely in some trouble. But then again, when wasn't she in trouble?

"A moment" turned into five minutes and then ten. She must have been in big trouble, he thought. When Perry White had joined the Daily Planet as their Editor in Chief last year, after the change in Daily Planet's management, he was extremely happy to see Clark working there and had told him that he was keen to see his skills as a journalist. But it was Lois who soon became Perry's favorite, even though he continually claimed that he couldn't stand her and he would have fired her a long time ago, if she wasn't such a great reporter.

Everyone in the bullpen knew that he would never do any such thing. He acted like a father and a mentor to both Lois and Clark. Besides, even if it wasn't for his affections and personal liking for them, he would still not have thought about firing either of them ever, considering the fact that Star City Post and Gotham Gazette among various others were after both of them for a long time now, having left no stone unturned in trying to convince them to leave the Planet and join them.

Ten… twelve… fifteen…

There was still no sign of Lois. Clark noticed the mess of papers, empty coffee cups and wrappers of chocolate and cookies on her desk and let out a deep sigh. He rose from his chair and collected the disposable coffee cups and wrappers and threw them in the dustbin before he started gathering the papers that were scattered everywhere on her desk. He continued to pile the papers into a neat stack until one printout caught his attention.

He put down the rest of the papers he was holding in his hand on the desk as he read the printed words on that particular paper.

_The Department of Defense continues to deny that the military ever bought these weapons but the evidence still points to the contrary…_

He didn't need to read any further to realize what it was about. It was a story that Lois had written months ago and stirred up a lot of trouble to put it mildly, considering that at least three state senators lost their electoral campaigns because of the facts that were brought to the surface through the first installment of that article.

Perry had to ask Lois to drop the story after she started receiving death threats. It was next to impossible to convince her to drop it but she was left with little choice after Perry had received a call from the senior management of the newspaper, asking him to stop Lois from proceeding with that article or else they would both loose their jobs. She had finally decided to let go because she couldn't put Perry's job at stake for her story.

Clark put down the paper and looked at Lois's laptop. He clicked open the minimized window on her desktop and it confirmed his suspicions. She was working on that story again, the same story that had put her life on the line the last time she had pursued it.

_Continued.._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Lois noticed Clark's uncharacteristic silence during the lunch but she didn't say anything until they had finished eating.

"Are you okay?" she asked as soon as lunch was over.

"Hmm… fine," Clark replied.

He looked at her for a moment before his gaze left her face and wandered around the small dining hall of the restaurant.

The popularity of the restaurant's delicious food and welcoming ambiance was quite evident from the fact that every single table in the hall was occupied. The brightly painted walls and décor was typically that of a Mexican place.

After the waiter served their drinks, Lois picked up her glass and her gaze went back to Clark's face who sat silently across the table. He was still engrossed in some deep thoughts, while absently stuffing the ice that rested on top of his glass into the drink with a straw.

"What happened yesterday… it's still bothering you isn't it?" she finally asked.

"No, there's something else that is bothering me right now Lois," he said in a serious tone after studying her face for a moment.

"What is it?" she asked as she put down her glass.

"You're working on that weapons deal story again," he said, looking straight into her eyes.

Lois was surprised for a moment before a frown formed on her forehead.

"How did you know that?" she asked.

"That's irrelevant Lois," he replied.

"How's that irrelevant?" she asked.

"Lois, that's not what we're discussing right now," his voice raised a little.

"I didn't even know we are discussing something," she quickly replied.

"Lois… you know very well what happened the last time that article was published," he was trying hard to hold back his anger and frustration.

"If I remember correctly, the corruption of at least three of our elected officials and our so called dedicated agencies became public," Lois said.

"Lois they threatened to kill you if you continued with that article," Clark's voice rose again as he reminded, "And Perry almost lost his job, does he even know you're working on this again?"

"Yes he does," Lois replied adamantly.

"And you didn't tell me?" he was shocked.

"I was going to, but seeing the way you're reacting right now I'm not too sure if that would have been a great idea," Lois replied sarcastically.

"Well, am I wrong?" his frustration was rising by each passing minute.

"Clark, I _need _to write this article," she said, "It is something that I've been working on really hard; these are the kind of stories that have Pulitzer written all over them…"

"Is it what this is about? Winning an award Lois?" he interrupted her angrily.

"Are you really asking me this question Clark?" she could no longer keep the shock and anger away from her voice.

A waiter standing next to their table, along with a couple seated two tables away turned around their heads and looked at them. Lois gritted her teeth as she noticed that they had started to draw attention.

"You know what, I'm not having this argument with you here," she said.

"You're right," he quickly said as he stood up and took out his wallet from his pocket, putting several dollar bills on the table before he gestured one of the waiters to collect them.

Lois angrily picked up her bag from the empty chair next to hers and put it over her shoulder. She didn't wait for Clark and walked out of the restaurant.

"Lois," he called out angrily as he followed her.

She stopped and turned around.

"We're not talking about this Clark," she said.

"Yes we are Lois," Clark snapped, "We're going home,"

"No we're not, I am going back to the office," with these words, she began walking down the pavement, anger written all over her face.

"The only person who should be angry about this is me Lois," he said as he joined her and they walked together, "You didn't even tell me that you were working on this story again,"

She stopped and looked at him, hurt and disgruntled.

"Am I supposed to tell you about every single story that I'm working on?" she asked.

"No, not every single story but this one," he replied, "The one that resulted in your getting death threats Lois,"

"Clark this wasn't the first time that I got death threats," she had started to feel like she was loosing the last strand of patience she had left and trying hard to hold on to it.

"Lois, even your dad told you to stop digging any further on this story," his voice calmed down a bit as he tried to reason with her, "Didn't that mean _something?_"

"Yes, it did," Lois replied, "It meant that I should continue to dig further because I was going in the right direction, or else the General wouldn't have bothered,"

Clark closed his eyes in exasperation.

It was impossible to reason with her.

When it came to Lois's reporter side, he almost felt as if it was her very own alter ego. She was never willing to argue about anything concerning it because it was something that she _had_ to do, just like what he had to do as Superman.

But what she didn't understand was that she wasn't invincible like him. She did not have the strength and ability to dodge bullets or come out unhurt from an explosion. She was putting herself in a great danger and could hurt herself, something he feared more than anything else.

After his dream last night, the magnitude of that fear had infinitely increased. He had fought himself so many times in the past but right now he felt that he would go insane if he tried to overcome the tide of emotions that was turning inside his heart. Lois knew him better than anyone, yet it was the hardest thing in the world to make her understand that there was only one thing that made him afraid – the thought of loosing her. He loved her so much that his world would cease to exist without her. The only thing that gave him hope and peace in this chaotic world was her presence, her nearness and her love. He would loose himself if he ever lost her.

"Lois, I am not going to argue about this anymore, you'll drop this story," he suddenly said in a stern and decisive tone.

Lois was taken aback for a moment at his words and the way he had spoken them.

"Do I also need to ask for your permission every time and make sure you approve before I start working on my stories in the future?" she asked sarcastically.

"Lois, that's not what I mean," he sighed as he realized that she was hurt by his words.

"That's exactly what you're saying aren't you?" she asked.

"No," he said in a soft voice as he grabbed her arms gently, pulling her a little closer to him, "That's not what I'm saying Lois, all I am worried about is that as soon as your article gets published, your life will be in danger again,"

Lois suddenly realized where all of this was leading to.

"_What if I run late someday Lois?"_

The question that he had asked her this morning echoed in her head and her anger died down as she looked at the conflict on his face.

"Clark, you're worrying yourself for no reason," her tone became softer as she lifted her hand and her fingers gently touched his cheek.

"No, I'm not Lois," he said, "Every time I am away from you, no matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing, there's only one thought on my mind, the thought of what you're doing, where you are, whether you're safe or not? I can't always be there for you Lois, what if I…"

"Clark, all I know is that whenever I'll need you, you'll be there for me," her tone was still soft yet it held firmness.

"Lois there are times when I can't be there for you," Clark said.

"And for those times you just have to trust me Clark," she said resolutely, "I can take care of myself and you know that… very well,"

Clark sighed and nodded at her categorical statement, knowing that it was impossible to argue with her anymore.

The expressions on his face held a silent plea for her. She felt something breaking inside her heart as she looked at her reflection in his beautiful green eyes.

She knew very well about his apprehensions. It wasn't the first time he had shared them with her. She found them pointless even though there was a part of her that believed that he was justified. His fears had never been a mystery to her, yet she wished that he would let go of those fears and understand that he needed to trust her judgments and believe her when she told him that she was fully capable of fighting all those dangerous situations she landed herself into.

"I just can't stop working on my stories, I can't stop being a reporter, this is who I am Clark," her voice held a determination that made it evident to him that she would not give up on her story, no matter what.

He didn't reply and simply continued to look into her eyes, completely oblivious to the fact that they were standing in the middle of a crowded street and there were people all around them. It felt to him as if they were the only two people who existed in the universe right now and everything was focused on them, centered on their conversation.

"Working on stories that don't result in stirring up any kind of trouble isn't even an option for you right?" he asked after few moments elapsed, his hands went down, freeing her from his hold.

"No it isn't," she made a face as if surprised at why he would even suggest such a thing.

He didn't say anything. She let out a sigh as she looked at the helplessness on his face.

"Look, it's not my fault Smallville; it's not like I go looking for trouble, all I do is write a simple story to uncover something and the rest just follows," she shrugged innocently.

"Right," he was incredulous.

"What Smallville? You don't want to stand between me and my Pulitzer do you?" she folded her arms on her chest.

"I couldn't dare even if I wanted to," he said in a resigned voice and then added sarcastically, "I just want to see you arrive in one piece when you receive it,"

She laughed as she rose on her toes and placed a soft kiss on his lips but as soon as their lips touched, he quickly put his arms around her waist and grabbed her, kissing her back fervently.

_Continued…_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The bullet had missed her only by an inch.

If he hadn't been there with her, if he hadn't caught that bullet, it would have pierced through her temple.

A week after the latest installment of her story got published; she received an anonymous call – a threat, warning her of the consequences.

Lois and Clark had a fight after she received the call and it ended with her firmly telling him that she could take care of herself and he did not need to worry.

Clark did not argue with her anymore but from that moment, he made it evident to her by his actions that he still believed that she was in danger and that he will protect her, no matter what.

He followed her like a shadow everywhere she went. She protested a lot. Out loud. But it failed to put even a slightest dent in his determination. Perry had to finally intervene and tell Lois that she was in danger and she should let Clark take care of her. After that, there wasn't much left for her to argue.

She was still angry with Clark but that didn't deter him at all. He faced her wrath, because it was a small price to pay in order to keep her safe.

This time Lois had the management's support as well for her article. In the past few months, a couple of scandals involving various government officials and agencies had come on surface and due to the uproar caused in the public by these stories, the top management's approach to Lois's controversial story was more encouraging than it had been in the past. She was vigorously working on the final part of the story that uncovered an underhand weapons deal made by some senior military and government officials.

That night, they had walked out of the Daily Planet building some time before midnight when that SUV appeared out of nowhere and opened fire.

Lois hit the ground violently as Clark threw her on the pavement and covered her body with his to prevent her from getting shot.

When the SUV disappeared into the darkness, Clark immediately lifted himself up and looked at her.

"Lois, Lois," he frantically called out as he grabbed her shoulders and lifted her up.

She sat up and looked around in shock. Her mind completely went blank for a few moments before she become conscious of her surroundings again. The left side of her forehead was throbbing with pain. Her hand went up to her head and she winced slightly as her finger touched the torn skin. She looked at the blood on her finger and realized that there was a small wound on her head as a result of hitting the pavement.

"You're hurt Lois," Clark's voice was full of worry, concern and panic all at the same time as his fingers roughly combed back her hair from her forehead, trying to look at the wound, "Are you alright?"

"It's just a bruise Smallville," she replied, trying to stand on her feet, "Considering the alternative could have been a bullet buried in my brain, it's definitely nothing,"

When he was helping her get up, she looked at his face and her heart suddenly started to beat faster. The muscles of his jaw were tensed and his teeth were gritted. She didn't remember seeing him this angry in her life. She knew the reason behind his anger very well but no matter how much torn she was to see him like this, the truth was that there was nothing she could do.

Clark looked at her and their eyes locked for a moment before he tore away his gaze.

He felt that his heart would explode with the tide of uncontrollable emotions that was turning inside him right now. At one hand, he was thankful to all the powers of the universe out there that she was safe, and at the other, he was outrageous because someone had just tried to_ kill_ her and it was a result of her article. While a part of him just wanted to hug her tightly and never let go, another part of him wanted to yell at her for putting herself into this peril.

They had just witnessed that the death threats weren't merely the _'bluffs'_ that Lois had been brushing them off as.

"Let's get you to a hospital," he said as he took off his coat and put it over her shoulders.

"There's no need, I'm fine," she shook her head.

"Lois you're bleeding," he said in an incredulous tone.

"Clark it's just a bruise…" she said.

"Would it really hurt if you just get it checked by a doctor?" he asked, unable to keep the frustration and anger away from his voice any longer.

Lois wanted to say something but decided against it. She was sure that they were in for a long and inconclusive debate later, so this wasn't really a good time to argue and make him angrier than he already was.

She merely closed her eyes and nodded.

Neither of them said a single word during their drive to the Metropolis General Hospital.

A young female doctor attended Lois as soon as they arrived in the ER.

While Lois's wound was being cleaned, her eyes wandered all around the small exam room until her gaze fell on Clark who stood against the wall next to the door. His hands were folded on his chest and he was looking intently at her. Her heartbeat suddenly rose as their eyes met.

His look held anger, possessiveness, and love all at the same time. As she looked at him, he showed no signs of breaking his gaze from her face. Instead, he continued to look at her, straight in her eyes, unspoken words written all over his face. Lois looked at him for a moment and lowered her eyes for she couldn't match the intensity of his gaze. However, she could still feel his eyes on her.

"Are you feeling dizziness or nausea?" the blonde doctor asked after she had finished examining and cleaning the wound.

"No," Lois replied.

"Any kind of headache or migraine, other than the pain in your wound?" she asked as she checked her pulse.

"Nope," she replied.

"I'm going to give you a pain killer," the doctor said, taking some notes on her chart, "And I'm also advising some tests, just to make sure there isn't any internal injury of any sort, all right?"

Lois merely nodded.

While the doctor injected her with the medication, her eyes fell on Clark again. His posture hadn't changed even a slightest bit and his eyes were still fixed on her. She quickly shifted her gaze as her heartbeat rose once again.

As soon as they walked out of the hospital and got into their car, the sedative in Lois's medication began its work and she started to feel dizzy. However, she struggled to keep her eyes open. Her gaze fell on Clark as they drove out of the parking lot of the hospital. His eyes were fixed on the road ahead, his expressions still tense. Lois continued to look at him until her eyelids began to flutter. She fought to stay awake at least until they got back home but after some time she lost the battle and fell asleep in the car.

By the time Clark drove into the parking area in the basement of their penthouse building, Lois was in deep slumber. Clark turned off the engine and stepped out of the car before he walked around the vehicle and opened the passenger's door at the front. He carefully removed Lois's seat belt and gathered her in his arms as he pulled her out of the car and closed the door with his foot.

Clark entered their penthouse at the topmost story of the tall building, carrying Lois in his arms and without making a single noise, took her to their bedroom before gently laying her down on the bed. He carefully took off her shoes and pulled the comforter over her.

When he sat on the side of the bed and watched her sleep, he felt as if it was impossible for him to move or tear away his gaze from her face. She looked so beautiful and serene. Unknowingly, his fingers began to run themselves gently in her hair, combing it away from her forehead. His finger touched her wound for a moment before he lowered his head and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

He lifted up his head and looked at her face again, while his thumb unknowingly started to brush itself against her cheek, gently caressing it. He felt as if his body had developed a will of its own and there was nothing left in his power. After a few moments, he lowered his face on her again, this time, touching her lips softly with his.

The warmth and softness of her beautiful lips made his blood run faster in his veins. A sudden urge to save and protect her from the world flooded his heart and a primal feeling took over him as he wished in that moment to just lock her in that room forever and throw away the keys. He was angry with her for being so stubborn. He wanted to fight with her, tell her that he wanted her to be careful, because he couldn't live without her.

Pulling away from her was very difficult, since his body and his heart desperately wanted and craved to touch her, to make love to her. He continued to watch her sleep peacefully for sometime, until the incident that occurred a couple of hours ago flashed across his mind once again. He shuddered at the thought of what would have happened if he wouldn't have been there with her, if he hadn't caught that bullet.

She would have died.

He would have lost her.

He sighed and got up from the bed, walking away from his wife as he loosened the knot on his tie and took it off before throwing it on one of the chairs in the room. He knew that the incident that happened today wasn't going to make Lois give up on the story. If anything, it would only make her more aggressive towards working on the final installment of her article. Especially since there were several other newspapers who were now also after this story and were trying to dig up more facts while all the news channels around the country were echoing the questions raised by Daily Planet's Pulitzer-winning journalist.

There was no way she would stop working on this story, even if her life was on the line.

What Lois wasn't able to realize was the fact that the more danger she was putting herself in, the more his fears were increasing. His dream had now started to haunt him. He couldn't stand the thought of loosing her, or any harm coming to her.

He turned around and looked at Lois once again, who was still fast asleep. He went back to the bed and carefully lied next to her without making any noise, lest she would wake up. But as soon as he pulled the comforter over himself, his hands went to her body and pulled her closer to his chest almost instinctively. He quickly lifted up his head to look at her face and sighed in relief as she showed no signs of waking up. His head lowered itself on the pillow once again and then he pulled her even closer. For some time, he silently listened to the steady rhythm of her breathing and her heartbeat, feeling content that she was safe.

Until he remembered that next morning she would be out in the same world again, facing the same threats and dangers that she did today. His thoughts started to run rampantly in all directions until they all came back to him and raised the same question once again.

"_But what would you know of that… you have never lost a loved one… how you would know the pain…"_

He was once again in the turmoil that had been tearing him apart for the past few weeks. His mind was occupied by only one thing – how to keep Lois safe, how to tell her how much he was afraid of loosing her. He eventually fell into slumber while his mind was still tangled in the web of these worrisome thoughts.

Next morning, when he woke up, the first thought that crossed his mind was last night's incident. He immediately turned his head around to look at Lois but she wasn't in the bed. He sat up and threw the comforter away.

As soon as he stepped out of the bedroom, the strong aroma of coffee filled his nostrils. He quickly crossed the large living room and entered the kitchen.

Lois sat on the kitchen table, busy typing some article on her laptop.

"Hey," she looked up and smiled brightly.

"Hey, how're you feeling?" he asked as he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on her lips.

"Great," she replied as their lips parted.

"Does the wound still hurt?" he asked.

"Nope," she replied with a shrug, "I didn't even remember I had it before you asked,"

He rolled his eyes. She shot him a teasing grin before going back to work.

He picked up the kettle from the counter and filled it with water.

"I'll have another one," Lois said as she picked up her empty coffee mug from the table and extended it to Clark, her eyes never leaving the laptop screen.

"Lois, you need to rest," he said in a gentle voice as he took the mug from her hand and placed it on the counter.

"Clark, I'm fine, don't worry," she said nonchalantly, all her attention focused on the article she was working on.

"You're fine because I caught that bullet Lois," he said as he walked in front of her, his hands folded on his chest.

"Clark, are we _really _going to go through this _again_?" she asked disinterestedly as she looked up.

"Again?" his voice rose a little, "When did we talk about this the first time?"

"Clark," her tone was incredulous, "We talk about this _every single day_ ever since I've started working on this article again,"

"Lois, you almost died last night. You know very well that the people who don't want this article published are the ones who tried to kill you and they would have succeeded if I wasn't there with you," he said, trying hard to keep his voice calm.

"But you _were _there Clark, you saved me, we took care of it, end of story," she said with a shrug.

Clark knew that tone very well. It was her _I-will-not-change-my-mind-so-it's-useless-to-argue-about-it _tone. Usually, he stopped arguing with her whenever she took that tone, but this time, he was not going to give up.

"No Lois, it's not the end of the story," he felt that he was on the verge of loosing all the patience that he had left, "You know the kind of people who are involved in this. They will come back, and I may not be with you the next time they try to kill you,"

His voice rose with every single word that came out of his mouth.

"So what exactly do you think I'm supposed to do?" she folded her hands on her chest, frustration evident on her face.

"Lois… you should just… well… maintain a low profile for some time," he tried hard to gather words.

"You want me to stop writing my story?" her voice was filled with anger and shock, "You want me to give into their coercion?"

"Lois…" he said as he placed his palms on the table and leaned towards her, looking straight in her eyes, "I want you to think about me… about us,"

His voice was low yet his tone was adamant. She felt as if his green eyes were piercing through her, wanting to let her know how much hurt and angry he really was.

"Clark… I think about you… about us, every single moment of my life, you don't need to remind me," she was hurt yet her tone still held an unmistakable firmness.

He let out a frustrated sigh as he stood up and walked away from the table, towards the kitchen window.

"So you will continue with this story?" he asked, his voice shook a little as he uttered the words.

He did not have the courage to look at her face when he put this question across.

"Clark… I can't believe you can even ask me this," she said in a shaking voice as she rose from her chair, "The one person I've always expected to stand by me, the one person whose opinion matters the most to me is asking me to give up?"

He immediately turned around and looked at her. His heart threatened to break as he witnessed the pain on her face.

"Lois… no one is more proud than I am when your stories get published, when you are praised for them, when you win an award… but I… I can't just…" he left his sentence incomplete as he took a step towards her.

"You can't just what?" she asked angrily.

"I can't loose you," he said.

"I don't understand why you keep saying this?" she almost implored as she walked in front of him, "You won't loose me Clark, nothing's gonna happen to me,"

He didn't say anything. She walked near him and softly placed her fingers on his cheek. His hand immediately rose and grabbed her fingers firmly, holding them against his cheek as he looked straight in her eyes. They could feel each other's pain, anger and conflict yet neither of them was willing to back away from their stance.

Clark fought with himself, torn between wanting to share his dream with her and wanting to keep her away from his worries. Besides, it wasn't as if Lois would stop writing her story if he told her about his dream anyway.

Lois felt that her heart was threatening to break into thousand little pieces. She knew that she was the reason behind all his fears. She could not tell him how insanely she loved him for being so protective of her, but at the same time, the one thing she wanted from him was to stand by her, not ask her to give up.

After a few moments, Clark's hand freed her fingers and his eyes wandered away from her face. She continued to look at him for some time before she returned to the table and sat down with a burdened heart. She started looking at her laptop but it was impossible for her to concentrate on work anymore.

Clark walked towards the oven and took off the kettle from the stove. The silence between them was becoming more and more uncomfortable and grave by the minute. Both of them were fighting a battle of emotions inside their hearts.

After a few moments, Clark placed a mug of hot, steaming coffee in front of Lois. She broke her gaze away from her laptop screen and looked at him.

"Thanks," she said, trying to smile.

He didn't reply and silently went back to the counter.

"We'll have to leave for office a little early today," Lois said after several moments elapsed in silence.

She hated when Clark suddenly became mute during their fights so every time he did that, she just continued to have meaningless one-sided conversations with him until he gave up on the silent treatment and started talking to her again.

She was doing the exact same thing right now.

"Because I have to finish a couple of articles and send them to Perry for tomorrow's edition before I step out for an hour or two," she added.

He turned around and looked at her.

"Why do you have to step out?" he asked in a serious tone.

_It worked as always. She was triumphant._

"Elliot, my source on that weapons deal story, he's meeting me today," she replied, "He has obtained some major evidence that'll help me uncover some more details about the cabinet members who were involved in this deal,"

She was now typing something on her laptop again.

"This… Elliot, he works for the Department of Defense, right?" Clark asked as opened the fridge and took out a carton of milk.

"Yeah," Lois replied.

"What does he do there?" he asked.

"He's a stenographer," Lois replied.

"How can a stenographer get his hands on this kind of top secret information?" Clark asked.

"Well, our average Joe is actually an amazing hacker, one of his many talents that he has miraculously kept hidden from his bosses," Lois replied, "This isn't the first time he's selling top secret information to a journalist, all he cares for is the money involved, pay him the right price and you can have information on anything right from the key details of the most covert military expeditions to what did the Secretary of Defense had for dinner last night,"

"If its just money he cares about, he can easily sell the same information to any other source too," Clark commented in a contemplative tone.

"I won't put that past him," Lois replied as her fingers raced on the keyboard, "He's an extremely greedy man. I have to constantly make sure that he doesn't slip,"

Suddenly, Lois's cell phone rang.

She picked up the phone from the table and looked at the caller's ID.

"That's him," she said as she rose from her chair and walked near the window.

"Yes Elliot," she said as she took the call.

Clark watched her as she silently listened to what was being said to her from the other side.

"You've got all of them?" she asked, her voice suddenly filled with excitement.

"All right, fine, no… no… not in the evening, I want those before noon today," she quickly said.

Clark listened to the one-sided conversation until what she had just said about her informant echoed in his head.

… _All he cares for is the money involved, pay him the right price and you can extract about anything…_

An insane thought suddenly crossed Clark's mind and he turned on his super hearing to listen to the other end of the conversation.

"I will meet you at the old Navy dockyard outside Metropolis, two hours from now," Elliot's gruff middle-aged voice informed Lois.

"Fine, I'll meet you there," Lois replied and ended the call.

She put her cell phone on the table and closed her laptop.

"We have to rush to the office Clark, I'm meeting Elliot before noon," she announced as she ran towards him and pressed a quick kiss on his lips and then her hands rested themselves on her chest as she looked at his face lovingly, "I'll be fine, stop worrying okay?"

Her soft tone and tender voice did little to soothe his fears. He looked straight in her eyes with disgruntlement written all over his face, making it evident to her that he won't just stop worrying, no matter what.

Their gaze locked for a moment before she pulled herself away from him and walked out of the kitchen. He stood where he was, lost in the warmth and sensation that her lips had left on his.

His heart and his mind were fighting a battle right now.

One side of him was ashamed of eavesdropping onto her conversation and the other side was firmly and adamantly telling him that he needed to make sure that she stayed safe.

Even if it meant taking drastic measures.

His thoughts were running in every direction. He was worried, scared, guilty, and conflicted for a long time before he finally reached a conclusion.

He finally made a decision.

_Continued…_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Thanks for the wonderful reviews everyone. I hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters as well. Don't forget to leave your views/comments.

**Chapter 6**

_Few hours later_

Clark sat on his desk at the Daily Planet, staring at the large dark gray envelope in his hands. There was no name or address on it and it was sealed with the help of several layers of paper tape.

He hadn't attempted to open the envelope but his X-ray vision had already revealed to him that the contents that rested inside the envelope consisted of a tape and a CD.

There was a battle going on between his heart and his mind about what he had done. The one feeling that dominated the plethora of emotions storming inside him right now was remorse.

Remorse, over what he had done. The events of the past few hours had been playing in his head and his own words were echoing in his ears over and over, haunting and torturing him. It was like there was nothing else left in his world to think about.

"_I would like to make you an offer Elliot,"_

"_What offer?"_

"_I want you to sell me the proofs you have for the DoD weapons deal,"_

"_I don't know what you're talking…"_

"_Elliot, I know that you have it, I want you to sell it to me, I'll pay you more money than you're getting for it right now,"_

_Beat._

"_Elliot,"_

"_Who are you?"_

"_That's none of your business, give me what I am asking for and I'll pay you whatever you want for it,"_

_Silence._

"_Meet me at the under construction bypass near the western wharf, in one hour,"_

"_Fine,"_

The fight between his conscious and his fear had been won by the later. He had made a mistake that he knew would never let him look straight into Lois's eyes again. He had taken away the last piece of the puzzle that was imperative in putting the pieces together in her story.

He had stolen something from her.

He continued to look at the envelope, conflicted, torn and repentant. Suddenly his cell phone rang and he was brought out of the labyrinth of his thoughts. He quickly opened his drawer and put the envelope inside before picking up his cell phone from the table.

Upon seeing the caller ID, his heartbeat suddenly rose.

It was her.

"Yes Lois," his voice trembled a little as he took the call.

"Are you in the office Smallville?" she asked.

"Yeah… why?" he asked in a cautious tone, unsure of why she had put up this question.

The turmoil of emotions and conflicts turning inside his heart right now was gradually taking away all the courage that he had left.

"Listen, it'll take a little while before I get back, so I want you to send my article on Carson Pharmaceutical's arson scandal to Perry," Lois said.

"Lois, what's taking you so long?" he asked.

"I'm waiting for Elliot to show up," her voice hinted anger and frustration.

"Lois… it… you… you've been gone for hours now, just come back," he said.

"I can't, I _need_ to see Elliot," Lois replied and then quickly added, "Listen, that article is in my inbox, all you have to do is to just forward it to Perry, I'll see you in an hour, okay?"

Beat.

"Okay," he replied in a low voice, fighting himself, wanting to tell her that he had already met Elliot.

He had no idea how he could ever tell her and how she would react but he had started to feel that if he didn't tell her the truth, it would become impossible for him to be around her.

So he tried to gather the courage to say something but it was too late.

"See you later, bye," with these words, Lois disconnected the call.

He let out a sigh and put back his phone on his table before opening the drawer again to look at the envelope that rested inside it. He took out the envelope, torn between hiding it away and giving it to Lois.

"_But what would you know of that… you have never lost a loved one… how you would know the pain…"_

The words from his dream once again leaped out of the dark corners of his mind and echoed in his ears, taking away his strength and his thinking abilities and replacing them with unknown fears.

He took out a heap of papers from his drawer and hid the envelope underneath it before he closed and locked his drawer.

He sat on his desk for a long time with a burden on his heart. He had never faced a conflict like this before, because even though he had done something that he knew that he should not have, there was still a powerful feeling inside him that told him that what he did was necessary, that it was the only way to prevent Lois from getting killed.

_The only way out was to take away her story from her? Place hurdles in her way so she couldn't get what she wanted?_

He had no answers to these questions. He wasn't even sure if it was going to stop her. All he knew was that his apprehensions had led him to do something that had filled his heart and soul with regret.

The fear of loosing her and the determination to keep her safe had made him do something he knew would break Lois's heart the moment she was going to find out and the only way to prevent it was to return what he had taken from her

A part of him wanted to place that envelope in her drawer while another part of him struggled with this thought.

_Giving her this evidence would mean that she would get to print that story and her life will be in danger again._

Just then, Lois entered the bullpen and hurried towards their desks, an expression of anger and despair on her face. His heartbeat suddenly rose as he spotted her.

She arrived at her desk and threw down her bag before literally falling back into her chair.

"You okay?" he asked, trying hard to keep his voice and his heartbeat calm.

"No, I'm not," she snapped.

"What happened?" he asked.

"He… Elliot didn't show up," she sighed in exasperation, "And he has not answered a single one of the hundred or so calls that I've made since this morning,"

He felt as if her eyes had turned into a hazel fire right now. She was so angry that it scared him to even ask himself what she would do if she found out that he was the reason that Elliot did not show up at their meeting place.

She opened her laptop and gazed at her screen for a couple of minutes before looking up.

"Clark, you didn't send the email I asked you to?" she asked.

"Uh… I completely forgot," he stammered out, "I… I was kinda occupied… um, putting final touches on the economic summit article,"

Lois didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry Lois," he felt as if the words came out of some deep corner of his heart.

"It's okay," she sighed and rose from her desk before marching out of the newsroom towards the copier room.

Clark sat on his desk for a couple of minutes before he rose from his chair and followed her. She stood in front of the copier, engrossed in some deep thoughts. He entered the room and closed the door behind him. She turned around and looked at him for a moment before her attention went back to the copier and she picked up the papers from the tray.

"Lois…" he felt that his voice had started trembling once again.

"I can't believe it Clark," she suddenly said, "I had spent months… _months_ trying to find out a source and now I've lost it,"

Her voice trembled with anger. It felt as if she had lost all the patience that was left inside her.

"What do you… think has happened?" he asked, loathing himself for putting this question across.

"I don't know, it's possible that someone at the DoD found out about him or he has suspected some danger and probably keeping a low profile," she said and then added, "Or perhaps someone offered him more money,"

The last words were said with anger and disgust.

Clark didn't know what to say. A short while ago, he had decided not to tell Lois anything, but upon seeing her, the battle began inside him once again. A battle of wills, conscious, and fears. A battle that he felt would tear him apart.

"Lois, after you almost got killed, it's possible that Elliot got scared too, that's the reason he didn't show up," Clark said.

"Up until this morning, he said he would meet me and now all of a sudden he has vanished into thin air," Lois replied in a frustrated tone.

Clark couldn't find the strength to be able to look into her eyes so he walked away from her and stood in front of the blinds, his gaze set on their empty desks in the newsroom.

"What will you do now?" he asked in a low voice.

"I don't know Clark," Lois replied.

He looked at her from the corner of his eye. She was nibbling on her lower lip while looking at the papers that she had just copied. Her expressions were a mix of anger and worry.

"The information that he was about to give me was the most important piece of evidence, it's impossible for me to put this story together without it," she said as she looked up.

He looked at her for a moment before he tore his gaze away from her face.

"It's all right Lois," he had no idea what to say, how to put the words together. He simply uttered them without any contemplation.

"How can it be all right Clark?" she asked in disbelief, "I've lost my source, the one who was going to help me put together an article that could have possibly won me a Pulitzer, not to mention bringing out the truth about a horrible corruption involving several state senators and agencies, my reputation is at stake Clark, all the hard work that I've done… it's gone,"

He quickly took a step towards her and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Lois… please forgive me," he whispered in her ears.

His heart and his soul were shredded into a thousand pieces as he uttered the words, knowing that he could never be whole again.

_She's safe now._

_She won't go after the story that put her life on the line._

He had made an impossible bargain. He may have ensured her safety but he had lost his peace.

----------

_Few weeks later…_

_Daily Planet_

_10:35 p.m._

Lois sat on her desk in the deserted bullpen, looking at her laptop screen with excitement on her face. After weeks of meeting dead ends, she had finally been able to locate Elliot.

Even if this wouldn't have been such a huge and important story, there was no way she would let Elliot get away without giving her the information he had promised. She was so angry when he hadn't showed up at the dockyard that she vowed that she would find him no matter what it takes.

The task hadn't proven to be an easy one at all though.

She knew very well that it was impossible to find guys like Elliot if they didn't want to be found so she had contacted her reliable sources in the military. If it hadn't been for them she wouldn't have been able to track down Elliot, she had to admit.

They had met a couple of days ago at the old Navy Dockyard, the same place where they were scheduled to meet weeks ago.

"_All right, I'm here," Elliot said in a shaking voice._

_He was a tall and frail looking man of about forty five years._

"_I knew you would be," Lois shrugged, "After I'd tell you that I have every single bit of information on you, including the fact that Elliot is not your real name and all I had to do was to send an anonymous message to your bosses that you were the one leaking out all the classified information about their dirty dealings,"_

"_How did you--" he said but his sentence was left incomplete as Lois interrupted him._

"_That's not the point… Elliot," she emphasized on the last word, "You didn't think I wouldn't have safeguarded myself against a last minute change of mind did you?"_

"_What do you want now?" he asked, "I have given you everything I had,"_

"_Not everything," Lois replied, "You said you were going to give me some very important information, why did you back off?"_

"_Look, I'm in great danger okay," he said, "If they find out, they'll kill me, think about my children,"_

"_You don't have any children," Lois said in a calm tone as she folded her hands on her chest._

_He looked at her in shock for a moment and then sighed resignedly. She wasn't bluffing when she said that she knew everything about him._

"_It's all about the money isn't it?" she asked._

"_Well, it was my right to sell the information to the highest bidder wasn't it?" he shrugged._

"_Who was he… or she?" Lois asked, "Someone from Gotham Gazette I'm sure,"_

"_That's none of your business," Elliot replied._

"_It is. I want to know who else is after this information, now you'll give me the name or else…" her sentence was left incomplete as he interrupted her.  
_

"_I don't know okay?" he said, "He didn't reveal his identity to me and honestly I didn't care,"_

_Lois didn't reply. There was silence for a moment._

"_Now what do you want?" he asked._

"_The information that you promised," she said._

"_I don't have it," he replied._

"_Do you honestly believe that I believe you Elliot?" she asked sarcastically, "Or should I call you Lynn Rodriguez,"_

_Silence._

"_Meet me after two days, here," he sighed resignedly._

"_Thank you for your cooperation," she smiled. _

She finally had her hands on the evidence that was required to conclude her article.

She was still surprised though that whoever had bought the information hadn't used it. She knew that Gotham Gazette, Star City Post and several other newspapers were out for this story and they were trying hard to get their hands on any piece of information that could enable them to print something. If one of their reporters was involved in buying the information from Elliot, why hadn't they published it yet was something that was beyond her understanding.

Clark had left the office hours ago. Lois knew that he would be at the Watchtower right now. The JLA team was working on bringing down a very dangerous organized crime circle for the past few months. They had dismantled several of their underground rings in various countries and were now trying to track down the crime lord who was the master mind behind all the gang's operations.

She hadn't told Clark that she was working on finding Elliot, not because she thought that she needed to hide it from him but only because he had been so occupied with a lot of things lately that she didn't want him to start worrying about her again.

She had this strange feeling somewhere inside her heart that Clark had become a little distant lately. Everyday, he left home early in the morning and came back late in the night. Even at the office, the only time they got an opportunity to talk was the lunch hour, however he didn't have much to contribute to their conversations. When she talked to him, she felt as if he was pretending to listen but his mind was someplace else. She chalked it up to his being occupied in a lot of things recently. Still there was something that bothered her, even if she couldn't pinpoint what exactly it was.

His being distant was only confined to their conversations though. He didn't talk to her much but that did not mean that he hadn't told her in the past few weeks how much he loved her. No matter how late it was in the night when he reached home, it never stopped him from making love to her with the same passion that she had always seen in him, in fact, she felt as if lately that fire had started to burn brighter than ever.

"_I love you so much Lois…" _

He would whisper in her ears while they were breathless, their hearts thumping inside their chests and their bodies covered in sweat.

"_You know that I love you right?" he had asked last night._

"_Yes I do," she had smiled and replied softly as she looked into his eyes._

"_You know that whatever I do, I'll do it because I love you, right?" he had suddenly asked, while his lips lingered on hers._

_She was surprised for a moment before her fingers ran into his hair and lowered his head on hers for a seething kiss._

A smile spread over Lois's lips as she reminisced the love and passion of that moment between them.

The pictures in the CD that Elliot had given her needed to be retouched before they could go with her article and there was only one person she could count on to do the job right along with maintaining perfect discretion.

She picked up her cell phone and dialed a number.

"Olsen, I've got an assignment for you," she said.

"Yes, Ms. Lane," the budding staff photographer cautiously asked.

"I'm bringing over some photographs that need to be processed, I want hi-res versions of these photographs by noon tomorrow," she said.

"Uh… Ms. Lane, I… I'm working developing the prints for Mr. Flanders's save the trees article, It's gonna take some time--" the meek attempt by the photographer to tell her that he was occupied with some other work went in vain.

"Jimmy, don't be ridiculous, you can work on saving the trees after you've tweaked these pictures for me, how long is it gonna take anyway?" she chastised him.

"Uh… alright, bring me the pictures then," Jimmy gave up, not that he had another option.

"Good, I'll be at your apartment in half an hour," she said before disconnecting the call.

She searched her desk drawers to find a CD to make the copies but she couldn't find one. She walked across her desk and tried to open Clark's drawer, letting out a huge sigh of frustration on realizing that it was locked. Suddenly she remembered that they had made a bunch of spare keys months ago and it was still in her bag. She leaned over the desk and picked up her bag. After rummaging through the contents for about five minutes, she finally found the bunch of keys.

She put the keys in Clark's drawer and opened it; rifling through the organized stacks of papers, files and folders until her hands suddenly froze on catching the sight of something that she could never have expected to find in there.

It was an envelope.

And it looked very familiar.

She took it out of the drawer and looked at it.

The large dark gray envelope was sealed with several layers of paper tape, making it evident that it had never been opened.

It was exactly the same type of envelope that Elliot always gave her.

It wasn't that it was an unusual envelope or that it was impossible to find a piece of stationery like it anywhere else but it was the way it had been sealed and the fact that it was nameless that caught Lois's attention. She pressed the envelope, trying to guess the contents and felt her heartbeat unknowingly rising as she could feel a compact disk and a small tape inside it.

An insane thought crossed her mind but she instantly dismissed it.

There was no way it could be!

After struggling with herself for a moment, she grabbed the paper cutter from the desk with trembling hands and ripped the paper tape from the envelope, opening it and turning it upside down. The contents of the envelope fell on her lap.

It was a CD and a tape.

Lois rose from Clark's chair and walked towards her desk. Her heart was thumping inside her chest as she put the CD inside the drive on her laptop. As soon as the contents of the disk were displayed on her screen, she felt as if an unseen power had clutched her heart.

"_You know that whatever I do, I'll do it because I love you, right?"_

The words he had said to her last night echoed in her head and she realized what he had done.

She remembered the fights they had when she had started working on this story and how much he was angry with her when she started to get death threats again. It wasn't the first time they had an argument about this but it was the first time she had seen Clark this disturbed. She thought that it was a result of the stress he had been going through lately.

She could never have in a million years imagined that he could do something like this. That he could not only think of stopping her but would also take a drastic step to ensure that she didn't get to write her story.

In the past few weeks, the hype surrounding the story had gradually subsided and she had also stopped receiving those anonymous threatening calls. Perhaps the people who were after her had realized that she had given up.

She had strongly felt in the past few weeks that Clark was conflicted and worried but she could not understand why. There was a sense of insecurity and desperation in his words and actions, as if he tried hard to let her know that he loved her. Up till this moment, she believed that he was doing it to ensure that she won't feel neglected because of his other priorities.

But now she realized that it was because of what he had done.

He had bought out Elliot, hoping that she would never get to complete that article. Lois continued to look at her laptop screen until her vision blurred due to the tears that had begun to collect in her eyes.

She had no idea whether it was anger, pain or grief that made her cry, but she could not stop herself as the tears left the corners of her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.

Suddenly, anger took over every other emotion that was left inside her. She wiped her tears from her cheeks.

_You shouldn't have done that. _

_What did you think? That I would give up?_

_You thought that I wasn't even capable of taking care of myself?_

_You didn't have to treat me like I was made of glass, Clark. _

_You had no right to make this decision for me._

_No._

The man she loved more than life, the man she trusted more than she trusted herself had crushed her.

She rose from her desk, not knowing what she will do next. The anger boiling inside her right now triumphed every other emotion, even the pain that she was supposed to feel. She wanted to confront him, ask him why he did this.

She closed her laptop and gathered her things from the table, stuffing them inside her large bag before she put it over her shoulders and stormed out of the bullpen.

As she walked towards the elevator, she felt that her legs won't be able to carry her weight and she'd fall. She had no idea how she managed to come down and reach her car. All she knew was that the strength inside her was gradually abandoning her.

Because the man she believed to be her strength had broken her trust and shattered her pride.

Her mind was so scattered right now that she couldn't think of anything. She didn't even know where she was going until her car drove into the parking lot at the basement of their pent house building.

She wanted to ask him why he did this to her, but how would she be able to even face him, let alone putting the words together? She had no answer to this question.

_Continued…_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Thanks for the comments everyone.

The last chapter had some interesting reviews that I wish to address. While there's no way I condone what Clark has done, he's not a villain either. There is a strong reason behind what he did and while his action isn't justified, the reason behind it is.

He made a mistake, but it was a result of misjudging the strength of his partner and lack of faith in his own power. It wasn't because he thought that Lois couldn't handle herself and he needed to run her life.

Not to spoil anything but the culmination of the story will come through a sort of a role reversal where Clark realizes that Lois goes through the same apprehensions that he does and that's where he'll learn why his action was wrong. Most importantly, it will deal with whether Lois and Clark's bond is able to overcome this conflict or not.

Enjoy and don't forget to leave feedback. Thanks again.

**Chapter 7**

Lois unlocked the door and entered the penthouse.

Clark hadn't reached home yet. She closed the door and stood against it, not having the courage to walk inside. Her gaze wandered around the walls of the lighted hallway that led to an opulently decorated lounge.

The walls that were covered with pictures of her and Clark!

During her entire drive home, she had dared herself that she won't cry but as soon as her gaze fell on the pictures, tears sneaked into her eyes.

After several moments elapsed, she finally gathered herself and walked into the lounge. She wearily threw her bag and her laptop on the glass table in the corner of the large room before she walked into the kitchen.

She stepped in front of the window in the kitchen, her hands tied on her chest. She could see the view of the city from the large window. There was nothing but an endless galaxy of shining lights in front of her, yet they weren't enough to defy the darkness that surrounded her right now.

She didn't know for how long she stood there. Her mind and her senses had gone numb. It was as if her thinking abilities had been robbed from her and all she had been left with was a sense of abandonment and loneliness.

Above all, it was betrayal.

And the man who had betrayed her was the one whom she trusted more than anyone, whom she loved so insanely that she could not imagine her life without him.

She felt emptiness inside her, as if she had lost everything, even her determination that used to give her courage to fight the worst of circumstances.

She still couldn't believe what he had done.

He had bought out her source so she could not write her story.

Suddenly, the moment when she had discovered that envelope in his drawer flashed before her eyes and her senses suddenly began to return to her. The pain and heartbreak that she had felt back at the Planet leaped into her veins like electricity.

But there was another emotion more powerful than that pain, the one that shook her and stole everything that she had left.

Anger!

Anger over how he had made that decision for her. He feared for her safety, but did that give him the right to turn her life into a chessboard and shuffle the pieces to take control of it?

No! A voice yelled inside her.

Clark's over protectiveness for her had always a point of conflict between them. He was always scared that some harm would come to her and she always assured him that she could take care of herself.

Even if she would never admit it in front of him, somewhere deep inside her heart, she had always found his possessiveness endearing. She secretly thanked her fate every single day that she had found a man who loved her so much. Ironically, that same love had forced him to hurt her so immensely and deeply that she doubted that the wound could ever heal.

Suddenly, she heard the sound of the door opening and closing, followed by footsteps in the hallway and then in the living room and her heart began thumping uncontrollably inside her chest.

"Lois," she heard him call her name.

She closed her eyes, trying hard to control her heartbeat, her anger and her pain.

"Lois," he called out again and then she heard his footsteps approaching the kitchen.

She suddenly started to feel as if her courage had abandoned her once again. She could not even move or turn around as he walked behind her and then his arms snaked around her and pulled her against his back. Lois let out a deep sigh, desperately wanting to push him away. However at the same time, she had to fight another battle with her heart, as it refused to let go of the love and passion that she had for this man.

He softly placed a kiss on her shoulder as he held her close to him and she felt that her body was on fire.

"Hey, how are you?" he whispered softly in her ear, "I haven't seen you since the morning,"

She didn't reply. She didn't have the strength to do so because her heart and her mind were fighting a battle right now that she knew would tear her apart.

He gently turned her around to face him.

"Everything okay?" his voice was filled with concern.

Lois looked up in his eyes. She could see nothing but love.

_How could he have done this? How could she ever live with what he had done?_

"No, nothing is okay," she replied looking straight in his eyes

The storm of emotions inside her had made it impossible for her to think. There was a lot that she wanted to say but she didn't know how to put the words together.

"Why? What's wrong?" he was even more worried now.

She pushed his hands away from her waist and stepped back, pulling herself out of his embrace before she quickly turned around.

She was angry at him. She wanted to yell at him and ask him why he sabotaged her story. But she realized that she couldn't do that as long as she continued to look at him. She hated to admit her weakness, but her love for him was stronger than everything, even her anger and her ego.

"Lois, tell me," he said, grabbing her arm gently as he turned her around once again to face him.

She felt as if there was a storm crashing inside her heart that threatened to destroy everything around her. She had never felt this helpless in her entire life.

"Just a bad day at work," that was all she could manage to say, trying hard to fight her tears and her anger.

A small smile appeared on his lips as he pulled her closer to him and lowered his head, bringing his lips closer to her until they lingered over hers.

"Nothing that a nice and quiet dinner can't fix," he whispered playfully as he touched her lips with his.

_Was there anything that could ever fix this? She asked herself._

He kissed her, softly at first and then his fervor gradually increased as he ran his tongue over her lower lip, flicking against it and coaxing her to let him in, but she didn't. She merely stood motionless in his arms, letting him kiss her and steal every sense and emotion that was left in her, even anger and disappointment. His touch was like a spell that deprived her mind of every single thought and her body of its strength to fight and struggle.

She wanted to confront him but it was impossible while he was holding and kissing her like this. She realized that it was a battle that she could never win.

Just then, he abruptly ended the kiss.

"I have to go," he said with a hint of urgency in his tone.

Somewhere, someone was calling for help.

She didn't reply. He looked at her face for a moment before he super sped out of the kitchen. As he vanished before her eyes, she felt that it was an analogy to her life right now. The man whom she loved had disappeared into thin air and there was nothing she could do to bring him back.

She stood there for some time before the feeling of anger that had subsided with Clark's touch ignited inside her once again. She felt the bile rising in her throat and a feeling of revolt suddenly took over her as she ran out of the kitchen into her bedroom.

After a while she stepped into the bathroom. The moment she stood under the shower and turned it on, her tears finally left her eyes and joined the warm water, falling over her cheeks, down her neck, into her soul. She couldn't stop the storm of emotions anymore. She cried bitterly.

_Several hours later…_

Clark returned home around 4:00 a.m. in the morning and tiptoed into the bedroom.

He quickly changed into a pair of jeans and snuck himself under the blanket, careful not to wake Lois up. However, as soon as his gaze fell on her, he felt his resolve breaking.

She looked so beautiful that he found it impossible to tear his eyes away from her. Her shiny black hair was spread all over the pillows. One of her hands rested on her stomach and the other was on the pillow, over her head. He continued to stare at her face, as if mesmerized by her, until his gaze wandered down her body that was half covered with the blanket. Her flimsy black nightgown had somehow found its way up to her thighs and her silky and perfectly shaped legs were right in front of his eyes in all their glory.

He felt dryness in his throat as he began to hear the drumming of his heartbeat inside his ears. He pulled himself closer to her while his gaze wandered all over her body. He was astonished at how she still made his blood race into his veins every time he looked at her.

His eyes finally traveled back to her face, once again to drink in the sight of her loveliness until he noticed the drop of a singular tear that rested at the corner of one of her eyelids.

_Had she been crying? _

His heart threatened to shatter with the mere thought.

_Why the hell?_

His fingers gently ran over her face and wiped away the tear as he slowly came over her. His head lowered on hers and he carefully placed his weight on his palms to prevent their bodies from touching, lest she would wake up.

All he wanted was to place a chaste kiss on her lips before going to sleep.

However, as soon as his lips touched hers, he felt as if his body had developed a will of its own. It was no longer in his control to be able to pull himself away from her. He lost the little restraint and discipline that was left in him and his lips started to kiss her fervently.

His determination of not disturbing her during her sleep was thrown out of the window as the desire to touch her and make love to her took over him. The warmth and sweetness of her luscious lips didn't help his noble intentions either. Instead, they took away all his resolves, leaving him helpless and desperate.

He lowered himself on her sleeping form as he removed the blanket that created a curtain between them and threw it on the floor. As soon as their bodies came into contact, he felt that he had lost the last strand of patience and self control that was left in him.

His lips continued their passionate onslaught on her mouth while his hands ran up the smooth and glossy skin of her thighs, making their way towards the flat of her stomach and continued their journey until his fingers found the curve of her breasts.

When Lois woke up, the first sensation she felt was her lips being hungrily kissed by Clark, followed by the realization that their bodies were pressed together while one of his hands was pushing down the thin strap of her gown. She shivered and let out a low moan as his heated palm touched her breast and then his thumb gently started to stroke her nipple.

She didn't remember when she had opened her mouth and invited him in. The only thing she could feel now was the fire that ignited in her as his mouth slanted over hers again and again and their tongues curled themselves around each other. Within moments, they were breathless and panting. As soon as their lips parted, he placed a kiss on the side of her mouth and then on her jaw line, making his way down her neck, leaving a trial of kisses.

She stifled a groan as her memory returned to her in a flash and her stolen senses started to come back to her. While her body burned with the desire to touch and kiss him and let him make love to her, her mind was snapped out of the trance that he had pulled her into and she suddenly remembered that he had offered money to her informant to prevent her from getting evidence for writing her article.

The anger that she felt before she had cried herself to sleep once again woke up inside her, but she also realized how helpless she was right now. The way he was showering his love on her was making it impossible for her to think about anything else except the way his hands were touching her all over and the way their bodies were tangled with each other right now.

She wanted to stop him, she wanted to scream but she couldn't. She tried to put her hand on his chest and push him back but he entangled her fingers in his and pinned her hand back to the pillow as his lips came crashing down on her once again.

"Clark," she said his name between the kiss, surprised at the hoarseness of her own voice.

"Hmm…" he groaned.

She wanted to run away, far from his nearness, his presence and the passion that she wasn't supposed to feel right now.

"Clark," she wanted to be forceful but her voice came out as a plea.

"I… love you…" he declared between the hot and slippery kiss, his voice deep and full of emotions.

She was supposed to repeat his words, she was supposed to say that she loved him too, like she always did, but she couldn't. Instead, all she wanted right now was to tell him to stop.

She could feel his arousal pressed against her needy softness and it only made things more difficult for her than they already were. Her heart and her body were telling her only one thing – forget about everything else and let him make love to her, let him touch her like he always did, let him fill her emptiness with his exhilarating life.

But her anger finally defeated her passion as she remembered how broken she was by what he had done.

"Clark… stop…" she finally managed to utter, even if the words came out as breathless whispers.

It was as if he didn't hear her at all as his lips tried to capture her for another kiss, but this time she managed to gather enough courage to turn her head to the left, preventing herself from being kissed, from her senses being stolen away once again.

His hand that was trying to find its way between her thighs suddenly stopped as he looked in her eyes.

"Lois…" he said in an unsure tone.

She put her hand on his chest and pushed him away from her, with all the strength that she had left in her, even though she knew that she could not even make him budge, if he didn't want to.

It was her gesture and the anger in her tone that startled him. His body ached with the need to touch her, to bury himself inside her, yet the fire that was burning in her eyes right now replaced his desire with fears and worry.

"Stop…" this time her voice held forcefulness.

"Lois, what's wrong?" he asked.

She didn't reply and merely pulled herself from beneath him as she stepped out of the bed.

It all happened so quickly that he didn't even get the time to say anything or process the change in her demeanor. He merely watched as she picked up the silk wrap from one of the chairs, put it on and tightened it around her body while she walked away from the bed and stopped in front of the huge glass window.

He sighed and stepped out of the bed, his gaze never leaving her.

"Lois, what happened?" he asked as he stood behind him, with his hands folded on his bare chest.

She turned around and looked at him.

"You're asking _me_ what happened? I am the one who is supposed to ask this question Clark," she said, trying hard to keep her voice calm.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

Clark was surprised as he looked at her face and felt as if her hazel eyes had suddenly turned into flames.

"What did I do Lois?" he asked with a hint of caution in his voice.

"Why did you meet Elliot?" she asked, loosing control over her voice as she could feel the tremors in it.

His body and his mind jolted with a sudden shock when she uttered the words and then the realization hit him all within a blink of an eye.

She had found out.

"Lois…" he was astonished at the panic in his own voice, while a storm of fear and guilt flooded him.

A part of him always knew that it was coming his way.

_It would be impossible to answer her questions now._

_What would he say anyway?_

He knew that he had made a huge mistake the day he had decided to do that. He had been living in remorse for the past few weeks. Every time he looked at her, he felt as if he had stolen something from her, as if he had betrayed her. He had succeeded in keeping her safe but he had lost so much more.

"How did you…" he asked but he was interrupted.

"Just answer my question Clark," she was fuming with anger.

"Lois… I… you were in danger…" he tried to gather words but felt at a loss.

"So you bought my informant and buried my story… that was your way of making sure that I stayed _safe? _That's your _heroic_ way of protecting me?" her voice continued to rise as she said the words.

"No… Lois… I was…" he tried once again.

"What?" she was on the verge of a breakdown, "Why did you do that Clark?"

There was a lot she wanted to say but she found it impossible to gather words, to think rationally with all the anger that boiled inside her and the pain that had overtaken her mind and her heart.

She felt a hot drop of liquid leaving her eye and trickling down her cheek and was immediately disgusted with herself for being so weak. She had dared herself that she won't cry in front of him, but it was as if she was loosing every battle today.

His heart shattered on seeing her like this. He was the cause of her pain. All he wanted to do right now was to take her in his arms and beg for her forgiveness but seeing the anger in her eyes, he couldn't even dare to take one step closer to her.

He had no idea what she would do with herself if he tried to touch her at this moment. He was scared to even think what this anger would eventually do to her, how much it would damage her, hurt her.

"Lois, those people were out for your blood, they would have killed you, and you weren't listening to me so…" he began, his voice was low, full of remorse.

"So you thought that you should just stop me from writing my story," she completed his sentence, "It was that simple wasn't it… you just had to pull the plug on my article…"

She paused as her voice stifled.

"No… Lois… that's not what I…." he couldn't stand it any longer as he took a step towards her.

"Don't you dare," her voice trembled.

"I am so sorry Lois," he whispered.

"No… I'm sorry Clark," she said, "I'm sorry that I didn't try to hide myself behind you, that I didn't let you _protect _me… so you had to do all this… I am so sorry…"

She had no idea what she was saying right now. Anger was the only emotion left in her. She felt that her heart would explode.

"Lois, it's not how you're putting it," he said, "Ever since I… I met Elliot; I have been struggling with myself, wanting to give you back what belonged to you… I…"

He stopped and looked into her eyes. His heart sank as he realized that Lois's anger hadn't even died down a little bit. There was no way his explanation would ever make any sense to her.

"Lois, I don't know how you found out but… if you hadn't… I would have told you…" he said.

"Told me what? Lois I destroyed your article cause you weren't listening to me, next time be sure to seek my permission before you start chasing a story," her voice was a mix of anger and sarcasm.

"No Lois, it was only because I was scared of loosing you… that's the only reason why I did this," he said.

"Well, you lost me anyway Clark," her voice suddenly became calm as she uttered the words.

She turned around as she no longer had the courage to face him.

He knew that there was nothing that he could say right now that would make her forgive him for what he had done.

He took a step back, knowing that they were breaking apart, that they were loosing each other, yet there was nothing in his power to save them, their relationship. He didn't say another word as he walked away from her and picked up his shirt from the chair before he left the bedroom.

He walked into the lounge and stopped in front of the glass window. He stood silently for some time with his hands tied on his chest. His gaze was set on the horizon beneath the endless rows of sky scrapers where the first signs of dawn had started to appear.

Suddenly he heard the sound of footsteps and quickly turned around. Lois stepped out of the bedroom and walked into the lounge.

She was wearing her jeans and a white cotton shirt and held a small bag over her shoulder. He watched her as she crossed the lounge and made her way towards the hallway.

"Lois," he called out as he walked towards her.

She stopped and turned around. Her face looked so much calm yet only he knew that there was a storm hiding beneath that façade. Her red and swollen eyes held an unyielding determination.

"I'm leaving," she informed him in an emotionless voice.

"What do you mean leaving?" he asked disbelievingly.

Even though the bag on her shoulder had already alarmed him, he still couldn't wrap his mind around what she had just said.

"I'm going to live with Chloe for some time," she replied in the same voice.

"Lois, we're going to sort this out…" he tried to say but she interrupted her.

"Clark there is nothing about this that can be sorted out," she said.

"Lois, look, I am not proud of what I did, I made a mistake… a big mistake… but…" Clark said as he walked in front of her, looked straight into her eyes and then added in an adamant tone, "Whatever I did Lois, it was because of you, because I wanted to keep you safe,"

"That's the problem Clark, you didn't have to do _anything _to keep me safe," she said.

"Lois you know you could have died that night if I wasn't there with you," he said, trying hard to control his voice.

"So every time you'll feel that you need to protect me, this is what you are going to do?" she asked angrily.

"Lois I… I needed to make sure that you're not one of those people that I fail to save," he had no idea what he was saying; all he knew was that he had to stop her from leaving.

"Well, I'll tell you what Clark, from this day… you no longer have to worry about saving me," she said in a calm and collected tone, "I'm taking away that burden from your shoulders,"

There was silence.

"I'm leaving," she said decisively after few moments elapsed.

"Lois, stop," he said as he tried to grab her hand.

She quickly jerked her hand away, her eyes once again started to burn with anger.

"You won't leave this apartment Lois," he failed to hide the anger in his voice as he attempted to grab her hand again and this time he succeeded.

"Clark, stop," she warned, her body trembled with anger upon his touch, "Stop doing any more damage than you already have,"

It was as if he didn't listen to her at all as he pulled her closer to his chest, and tugged down her bag from her shoulder. His other hand wrapped itself around her waist, making it impossible for her to struggle.

He didn't let her see how terrified he was as he masked his fear with anger and determination.

"Lois… don't…" he wanted to be forceful but his words came out more as a plea than as a warning.

"It's a little late to say that don't you think?" she asked angrily as she tried to push him away and free herself from his grip.

"Lois, I told you that I am sorry… you don't have to leave, just don't," he didn't even know what he was saying.

The thought of Lois leaving him, the thought of their relationship falling apart shook him. It was as worst as the fear of Lois getting hurt. He didn't want to loose her in any way.

Deep down inside his heart, he knew that he deserved it. He deserved her hatred and anger. Still, he was clinging on to the last thread of hope that she won't leave him. That they could work this out.

"Clark, let me go," she said, trying hard to control the anger in her voice.

However, the more she struggled, the more he tightened his hold around her until their lips were merely inches apart.

"Clark let go of me," these were the last words that came out of her mouth before his lips came crashing down on hers.

He poured all his love, pain and sorrow in that kiss, letting her know that he couldn't live without her, that he was remorseful, that he was not scared of anything more than the thought of loosing her.

Suddenly she felt as if her body had lost all control and she started to kiss him back. Seeing that she was returning his kiss, his furor grew more than ever. She stopped struggling and cupped his face in her hands as the kiss deepened. Her anger finally amalgamated with her passion and overtook everything else. The breaks that she had been trying to put, the strength that she had been trying to gather in order to push him away abandoned her all of a sudden.

She put all her fury into that kiss, trying to fight another battle with him as their tongues curled themselves around each other. She felt as if they were surrounded by an inferno right now that would consume them, leaving nothing but ashes when they'll be done.

After few minutes, they were both panting and breathless as their lips parted. She tried to push him away once again but to no avail, he turned her around and threw her on the sofa before he came down with her. As soon as they fell, his lips attacked her mouth again and he started to kiss her savagely.

"Let go of me," her angry protest went unheard as he tangled his fingers with hers and pinned her hands on the soft pillows that were lying on the large sofa as he kissed her again and again.

She felt crushed under his weight as his long legs entrapped her body and made it impossible for her to move.

She was supposed to hate this sensual pleasure but she couldn't. Instead she found herself returning his fiery kiss with a growing urgency. There was no love and passion left in her though, only raw anger that bolted in her veins like electricity. She was left breathless and panting as their kiss ended but even though her mouth was freed from the warm and tantalizing grip of his lips, she still couldn't gather the words to tell him to let her go.

He pressed a kiss on the side of her neck, his tongue rolling over her soft skin, making her loose all her senses. His hands freed her fingers and began working on unbuttoning her shirt. Before she could stop him, his mouth came crashing down on her once again.

All she could feel now was a surge of passion, pain and anger inside her. Her hands went to his shirt and began unbuttoning it; however after undoing the first three buttons, she tore apart the cotton shirt and dragged it away from his shoulders, her hands started running up and down his bare shoulders and back.

Her back arched against the sofa as she felt the warmth of his mouth over her right nipple. Her breasts peaked in a mix of pain and pleasure as he suckled on her. Her fingers went into his hair and buried themselves in its thickness. Somewhere between her own ragged breathing and his, she heard him groan.

She felt helpless and empowered all at the same time as she heard his voice. Few minutes earlier, all she had wanted was to escape from his presence and the feelings that she had for him but right now she had no idea what she wanted.

"I love you Lois," he said between his ragged breathing, "I never wanted to hurt you, all I wanted was to protect you,"

His voice was shaking with need, yet at the same time she could feel a hint of remorse in it.

He kissed her again, trying to show her how much he loved her, but his passion was lost somewhere between frustration and fear. He began to feel that she was struggling once again, wanting to free herself from him. He wanted to let her go, yet it was as if his body had developed a will of its own. He couldn't stand the thought of loosing her. He didn't want this moment to end because he knew that when it would, she would leave and there would be nothing in his power to stop her.

The thought shattered him into thousand little pieces.

The desire that burned inside him right now was turning into a fire that was ready to consume him. He wanted to tell her that he ached for her, he loved her so much that his life meant nothing without her, yet he felt that he had lost the right to tell her all this.

She had no idea when he had unbuttoned and pulled down her jeans. She realized it only when her body shivered in a burning desire as one of his hands moved between their bodies to stroke her building heat. His fingers found her silky moistness and then entered her and retreated, again and again until she withered beneath him. With every stroke of his warm fingers, her nerves quivered more until she felt as if her body was on the edge of a very steep precipice.

"Lois," he whispered her name; his voice was harsh and shaking.

Her fingers raked over his arms and his back and buried themselves in his skin as her body arched against him with a feeling that this sweet agony would be the end of her. She felt that it was no longer possible for her to hold back this storm of sensation that was exploding inside her right now.

"Lois,"

She heard him beg her name again and felt as if he was calling her from a great distance. His voice echoed somewhere in her mind, desperately trying to find that anger that had buried itself in her heart, but she could not think of anything else other than the sensations that were pulsating through her as she felt the probe of his erection between her thighs. She couldn't deny the truth that she ached for him and the passion she felt for him refused to die down even as her anger consumed her once again.

He lifted up his head and looked at her. As their gaze met, he could see a silent plea in her eyes. Her eyes were shining like diamonds as they always did, darken by desire, mixed with anger and pain.

"Lois…" he whispered once more before his hands held her by her hips and he thrust into her with one powerful motion.

She gasped as he entered her and then her fingers dug themselves onto his back once again, trying to anchor herself as he drove again and again, each time harder and deeper than before. Every nerve of her body had tightened and she was straining for the final lift off. With each thrust, his passion and furor continued to grow as he felt that he had lost control of everything, he had lost sense of every emotion that he had ever felt. Everything had been taken over by the love he felt for her, the feelings he wanted to show her.

Their bodies became slick with sweat as he rocked against her with escalating need until they both felt that their bodies were shattered into pieces. He waited for her complete surrender before finding his own scorching release.

He collapsed over her when the tremors finished, holding her against him as his head rested over hers. He could hear his heart drumming inside his chest. He could also hear her ragged breathing and uneven heartbeat.

Several moments elapsed in silence. Neither of them moved an inch. Their breathing and their heartbeats were gradually returning to normal.

The soft light of the morning sun had now slowly started to fill the living room, illuminating their surroundings.

As soon as the wave of passion and uncontrollable desire was over, Lois felt that the anger that her desire for him had succeeded to subdue was raising its head inside her again. The determination that she had lost at the time when he was showering his affections deep inside her suddenly returned to her.

For a long time, Clark didn't move his head an inch; he continued to rest on her shoulder, listening to the rhythm of her heartbeat until one small sound reached his ears that defied that steady rhythm and threatened to shatter his heart as soon as he heard it.

It was a low sound of a hiccup followed by a slight jerk of her body that was blanketed underneath him right now.

He lifted up his head and looked at her. He had never hated sunlight more than he did that moment, because of the sight that was before him.

Her cheeks were covered with tears.

She had been crying all the time.

"Lois," his tone was frantic.

"Lois…" he said again but she merely continued to stare blankly at him without even blinking.

"Are you… are you okay? Have I hurt you?" he asked in a voice full of regret and concern all at the same time.

He cringed at the irony of his own question.

The answer to that question was nothing but yes. He had hurt her in so many ways that it was not even possible to put it in words anymore.

"Lois, please… answer me," he said, "I didn't… I didn't mean to,"

"Let go of me," she said in an emotionless, almost mechanical voice.

Her voice shook him. He felt as if there was nothing left in his world. He lifted himself from her body and pulled her in his arms, making her stand with him.

They stood silently in front of each other. He wanted to say something but couldn't. He wanted to wipe the tears from her cheeks but couldn't find the courage.

She left.

And he couldn't stop her.

_Continued…_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_Few weeks later_

He stood on the peak of a high mountain. His red cape soared above his shoulders. There was nothing before his eyes but endless clusters of clouds. His hands were folded on his chest, his thoughts scattered in so many directions that even he had no idea where his mind was running. There were hundreds of voices reaching his ears right now, enveloped in the shrill echo of the wild wind.

He could hear the cry of the waves that crashed against the rocks, thousands of feet below. He could also hear voices of birds and waterfalls and airplanes flying at some far away distance and then everything turned into a mad frenzy as the numerous sounds of monorails, blowing horns, fire alarms, police sirens and people added themselves to those voices.

He tried to focus, to filter the voices to seek if someone needed his help, and then it suddenly reached his ears.

A cry for help.

A young man was trapped under his car as a result of a landslide on a narrow hilly road.

Clark rushed there in a millisecond, pulled him out in an instant and flew away before the breathless as well as relieved boy could even find the strength to utter the words _'thanks Superman'._

As he rose above the clouds into the sky again, he suddenly heard someone calling out for help and then hundreds of other voices added to it and turned into a collective cry of panic. He followed the voices and moments later he was in East Africa, to help the victims of an earthquake that had hit minutes ago.

_Several hours later_

Clark spent most of his afternoon helping the earth quake victims in various remote African villages where ambulances from even the nearby hospitals took hours to arrive. He pulled out dozens of injured people who were buried under the debris and flew them to hospitals.

Every time he pulled someone out and rushed them to safety, they thanked him with tears of happiness and grateful smiles. Those words of gratitude were echoed by the local and international TV channels and websites all over the globe.

He was their hero once again.

Except this time, the hero didn't think that he deserved even an iota of praise. He felt as if saving all those lives wasn't enough to pay for what he had done. That he didn't deserve to be thanked, to be worshipped by these people. He wanted to scream at the top of his voice and tell them that he wasn't the savior they thought he was. He was a broken man with a demented mind who couldn't even take care of the woman he claimed to love more than life.

When the night fell, he flew back to Metropolis, the city that was supposed to be his home. Except that it no longer was.

The word _home _had now lost its meaning for him, for the woman who represented home for him had gone away from his life.

He hadn't seen Lois since she had left him. For the first few days, he called her hundreds of times, even if he didn't know what he would say to her if she picked up. She made things easy for him by not picking up his calls though. She didn't come to work either. Several days later, Perry told him that she had requested for a leave and that she'd continue to work from home. Perry asked Clark what happened but he got nothing except a painful silence in reply. He did not attempt to bring up the subject again.

After a week, Clark started to feel as if his strength had been drained out of him and he stopped trying to contact her.

The man who saved hundreds of lives lost his own.

He wandered around the globe like a drifter from morning to evening. He still saved people, helped them and rescued them. He also worked with Ollie, Chloe and the rest of the JL members, but it felt to him as if his soul had left his body and everything he was doing had become meaningless.

In the nights, he flew up high into the sky, beneath the snow covered mountains and stood there, solitarily in the mind numbing silence, trying hard to find solace. In those moments, he blocked every single voice from reaching his ears.

Except the sound of one heartbeat.

That one steady heartbeat that gave him an assurance that she was safe.

The woman he was insanely in love with was safe.

That's all he wanted from life now.

She hadn't written the final installment of her article. He wanted to call her and beg her to write it but she won't pick up the phone so he wrote an email to her. However he couldn't find the courage to send it. He knew that she wasn't ready to listen to anything he had to say and he didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already had, so he finally decided against using any other mode of communication to contact her either.

Yet, there were desperate moments when he just wanted to rush into Chloe's apartment to talk to Lois but then he reminded himself that he had no right to torment her with his presence after what he had done.

That dream had finally stopped haunting him.

Perhaps because he hadn't slept ever since she had left him.

"_Well, you lost me anyway Clark"_

Her voice echoed in his ears every time he tried to sleep.

He couldn't go home so he went to the Planet instead to finish the final draft of his article about human rights abuse in state prisons.

It was 10:00 p.m. and the bullpen was deserted. He turned on the lights and sat on his desk. It took him some time to bring his attention to work because the memories and flashes of injured people and dead bodies that he had seen today after the earth quake made it hard for him to concentrate on anything else. As time passed, he gradually became engrossed in his work until he lifted up his head and his gaze suddenly fell on the empty chair across his desk.

He felt as if his heart would sink in the flood of devastation that stormed him that moment.

The biggest happiness of his life was hidden in the fact that every time he lifted up his head from his work, the smiling face of the woman he loved was right in front of him. Her presence always filled his heart with contentment and bliss but now all of that had been taken away from him.

In the past, whenever he returned with a burdened heart after helping victims of some disaster, she was always there to talk to him, to take away that distress and give him a new hope, but he had shattered that relationship of trust and love with his own hands. He was responsible for his own loneliness and misery.

He was soaked in the pain of her memories when his cell phone buzzed, announcing the arrival of a new text message and he was pulled out of the depressing labyrinth of his thoughts. He picked up the phone from the table and looked at it.

The message was from Chloe.

"_Need you at the Watchtower"_

He put the cell phone in his pocket and super sped out of the bullpen.

A millisecond later, he stood in the Watchtower.

"What's wrong Chloe?" he asked.

"Clark the moment we've been waiting for has finally arrived," Chloe replied as she walked away from one of the life-sized monitors in the hall and stopped in front of him, "Drake and his cohorts are meeting in Italy this week, at one of their top secret underground bases,"

"By his cohorts you mean _all _of them?" Clark asked.

"Every single one of his key persons who are responsible for operating his crime ring all over the globe for the past one decade," Chloe replied as she walked behind her desk and pressed a couple of buttons on her keyboard that resulted in displaying various blue prints on the huge screens in front of them.

"These are the floor plans of their headquarter in Italy that has been disguised as a chemical processing plant," she added, "Bruce has obtained them today and sent them to me,"

Chloe continued to feed him with some more details until her gaze fell on his face and she realized that he wasn't listening to her at all.

"Clark," she said his name as she walked closer to him.

He stared blankly at one of the screens but his attention was someplace else.

"Clark," she called out again.

He was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts as he looked at Chloe, a little embarrassed.

"Sorry… I'm sorry Chloe… I was just… distracted," he replied.

"Well, you have been distracted for the past several weeks Clark," Chloe said, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing… uh, nothing is wrong," he tried to recover and gather himself as he replied.

Chloe let out a sigh.

"Clark, you haven't said a word to me about what happened between you and Lois that was so serious that she _actually _had to leave home," Chloe said in a tone that hinted frustration as well as worry at the same time, "She hasn't told me anything either but I can't push her, you know that when she doesn't want to talk, she doesn't. I don't want her to run away from my apartment too, so I can't really ask her anything but that's not the case with you is it? At least you can tell me what's going on,"

Clark looked at Chloe for a moment and sighed resignedly.

"What happened Clark?" Chloe asked in a soft voice.

Clark had started to feel as if the remorse and pain he was feeling for the past few weeks had started to shatter him from the inside. He desperately wanted to talk to someone, yet when Chloe put the question across, he wasn't sure if he would be able to gather the words to tell her what he went through. What Lois went through because of him.

He walked away from Chloe, towards the huge stained glass window.

"Clark, please talk to me," Chloe almost pleaded.

Clark desperately wanted to say something but the struggle of guilt and anguish inside him wasn't allowing him to do so.

"I used to think that there was nothing like a perfect couple or unending love in this world, but you and Lois proved me wrong," Chloe said as walked behind Clark.

Clark turned around and looked at her as she spoke.

"For the past four years, I've seen you guys fight everything together, sacrifice so much for each other, that I thought that there wasn't anything in the world that could ever make you guys fall apart, so I am shocked to ask myself that what could go so wrong that even Lois and Clark aren't strong enough to stand up against it?" she asked.

"Clark, I know you don't trust me like you used to once…" she began once again but he interrupted her.

"No… don't say that Chloe," he quickly said, shaking his head, "If I haven't told you anything it's not because I don't trust you, it's because… it's because I don't know what you'll think of me after I have told you the truth,"

Chloe's heart threatened to break into thousand pieces as she looked at the helplessness, conflict and pain on his face.

"Come on Clark," she said softly, "It can't be worst than some of the decisions I've made in the past can it?"

She tried to smile.

"It's worst than everything you could imagine Chloe," he said, looking at her face.

His tone held such an agony that it shook Chloe.

"Clark, please tell me…" she was scared now.

"You know about Lois's article on the Department of Defense weapons deal scandal?" he asked, trying hard to keep his voice in control.

Chloe nodded.

"Off course I do," she said, "It's the story that stirred a huge amount of trouble at the DoD, not to mention causing several state senators to loose their vote banks,"

"Which is why some of them came after Lois to stop her from bringing their dirty dealings into public," Clark said.

Chloe was surprised.

"First she started getting death threats and then they opened fire on her one night when we walked out of the Planet," he said, "She would have been killed if I wasn't there with her,"

"Lois never told me any of this," Chloe's expressions were a mix of shock and worry.

"That's because she brushed it off… like it was nothing," he said.

"Typical Lois," Chloe commented as she slightly shook her head.

"I… I couldn't bring myself to think what I'd do if anything happened to her, I couldn't be around her all the time… what if she'd run into some trouble and I wasn't there to save her so…" he left his sentence incomplete.

"So what Clark?" Chloe asked.

"I paid Lois's informant to sell the information to me so she won't be able to finish her article," he revealed, his eyes lowered as he could not match Chloe's gaze.

Chloe did not know for a moment how to process that information or how to react. She merely looked at him without blinking for several seconds until the reality of his words dawned on her.

"Why the hell would you do something like this Clark?" her voice was a mix of disbelief, anger and shock.

Clark looked at the sudden flood of anger in Chloe's eyes and shifted his gaze. He knew that the moment he'd tell Chloe what he had done to her cousin, she'd look at him with the same anger that Lois did that night.

"I… I just don't know what to say to you," Chloe said in the same voice.

"I told you I was scared Chloe, I was worried for her safety… I… I wanted to protect her," he tried hard to gather words.

"By trying to sabotage her article?" Chloe's voice rose with disbelief.

Clark wanted to say something but couldn't. Chloe's anger reminded him of how broken Lois was that night before she left him.

"Did you actually think that she would never find out? This is Lois, she doesn't just give up on something, especially not on a story," Chloe said, "And even if she hadn't found out, could you have lived with this kind of thing? You've practically betrayed her Clark; you've broken her trust,"

Chloe paused for a moment and looked at Clark. There was nothing but remorse and anguish on his face.

"I know how much you love her but trying to take the lives of your loved ones in your hands… trust me it never ends on a happy note," Chloe said, her voice trembled as she uttered the last words.

"I know," he sighed and closed his eyes.

He knew that she felt nothing but anger and disgust right now and he knew that he deserved it. He knew very well that this was another relationship he was going to loose because Chloe would never forgive him for what he had done to her cousin.

He began to feel the same weight on his heart that had been tormenting him for months now. He had no idea what Chloe would say to him next. She'd probably tell him that she never wanted to see his face again. He felt that his heart would probably explode from all the pain and burden one of these days.

Chloe looked at him and felt as if something was breaking inside her heart. His beautiful green eyes that always held a glint of hope and compassion were filled with nothing but anguish right now. She felt anger and pity all at the same time as she looked at him.

"I won't ask for your forgiveness or hers Chloe," he said in a low and shattered voice, "You don't need to tell me that I don't deserve it, I already know,"

Chloe's vision blurred as she felt that a curtain of warm water had appeared between her eyes and the man who stood before her.

"Clark, I know that you're always worried about Lois but to actually try to stop her from writing a story?" Chloe asked, trying hard to keep her voice calm.

Clark struggled with himself whether he should tell Chloe about his dreadful dream or not, in the end, he decided not to. Perhaps because he couldn't find the words and strength to relay the horror and revolt of what he used to see in that dream.

"All I want to tell you is… that there was something inside me that made me scared, I feared that something terrible will happen to her and I'll loose her… I couldn't live without her Chloe, so I made a decision that I'll regret for the rest of my life," he said, "I wanted to protect her but I did something that made me loose her forever,"

Tears finally left Chloe's eyes and trickled down her cheeks.

"I know there's no explanation that'll work," he said, "I know you hate me right now for what I did to Lois… but I have fought a war with myself Chloe, I have never felt so weak in my entire life,"

"Clark… we all fight our inner demons at some point, I know I did," Chloe said in a soft tone, "It doesn't make you weak, it just makes you human,"

"No, I can't live with this vindication Chloe," Clark shook his head.

Chloe wanted to say something but found it impossible to gather any words.

"When I was helping those earth quake victims this afternoon, they looked at me as if I was a hero," Clark said.

"That's because you _are _their hero," Chloe said.

"No I'm not," he said, "Not anymore,"

"Clark I've made some terrible decisions in the past and I'm living with the consequences of those decisions, I've learned my lessons and embraced my life for what it has become…. but with you… it's different," Chloe stepped closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder, "People look up in the sky when they're in trouble, in hope of finding you… in hope that you'll come and help them, you can't take that hope away from them,"

"Chloe you don't understand, what I did to Lois, wasn't heroic, it wasn't even human," he said, trying hard to keep his voice calm.

"Clark I'm the last person who's qualified to judge the rights and wrongs of what you did," Chloe said, "But all I am going to tell you is… you can't let yourself fall apart because of what you did in a weak moment, you can't make that hero fall apart,"

"He already has Chloe," Clark replied, "How can I stand on my feet knowing that I broke Lois's heart?"

"Then you need to mend that broken heart Clark… you need to save your relationship with Lois," Chloe said.

"There's nothing left to save," Clark said in a low and broken voice.

Chloe wanted to say something but Clark's head suddenly snapped up.

"I need to go," he said as his super hearing picked up a cry for help.

"Clark, wait…" Chloe yelled, before he could super speed away.

He stopped and looked at her, puzzled.

"I will talk to Lois," she said hesitatingly, "You two need to sort this out,"

"No Chloe, please don't," he quickly said.

"Why?" she asked, agitated.

"I don't think that Lois will ever forgive me Chloe… she shouldn't," he said.

"Clark… you…" Chloe tried to say something but she was interrupted.

"Just do one thing for me," he said.

"What?" she asked, trying hard to keep her voice calm amidst the storm of pain that flooded her heart right now.

"Tell her to write that article," his voice was torn, "She deserves to write it, tell her not to give up on it because of what I've done,"

"Clark, you need to tell her this yourself," Chloe said.

"I can't," he replied, "I have lost the right to do so,"

With these words, he super sped out of the Watchtower.

_One hour later_

_Chloe's apartment_

Lois's eyes were set on her laptop screen. She was engrossed in putting together the final paragraphs of an article that she had to submit next morning. For the past few weeks, the small library in Chloe's apartment had become Lois's office and she spent all her day and most of her night in that room.

When she had entered Chloe's apartment that night after she left Clark, she had no idea what she would do with her life and where she'd go from there. Her cousin knew her too well to ask any questions that she didn't have the strength to answer. She simply picked up Lois's bag and told her that she could sleep in her bedroom while she'll take the couch. Lois was so lost and dismayed that she didn't even say a word and simply walked into Chloe's bedroom. The storm of tears that flooded her eyes didn't let her sleep though. She soaked Chloe's pillow as soon as she put her head on it.

In the next few days, the only thing she did was to desperately try to pull herself together. It wasn't easy when she had no idea how to. Her thoughts and her senses were encompassed around only one truth – Clark had tried to destroy her story.

He had destroyed her trust and her faith in the process.

She wanted to hate him yet she couldn't. Her heart was torn into two pieces right now, one bled from the wound that he had given her but the other couldn't stop beating at his name. She felt as if she would never be able to become whole again.

She may have been shattered by what Clark had done but that still didn't let her attention sway from her work. In fact, it was her only solace right now. She told Perry that she needed to take a break and she won't be coming to office, instead she'd work from home, Chloe's home to be exact.

For the first few days, Clark called her hundreds of times. Every time she looked at his number on her cell phone, she felt a lump in her throat and a flood of anger and pain in her heart and every time she disconnected his call, she felt as if an unknown force stabbed her heart. After a week, Clark finally stopped calling her.

She didn't know whether she was relieved by it or even more crushed than she already was. She didn't even know what to think anymore as her senses had gone completely numb. She was going about her life right now as if living each day just because she had to. Because she didn't have a choice.

She had buried herself in work. She was working on several articles at the same time. However, the one that she couldn't find the courage to work on was her Department of Defense article. She had all the information she needed to finish the final installment yet she couldn't write it.

Every single time she thought about that article, the thought of Clark and what had transpired between them because of it suddenly stormed her heart and her mind.

Lois knew that Chloe was worried as hell. She could tell by the look in her eyes whenever she came to remind her to have dinner or to tell her to take some rest, yet she never asked her anything. As thankful as Lois was for Chloe's understanding, deep inside her heart, she desperately wanted to talk, to cry in front of Chloe and tell her everything, but she couldn't find the courage. She wasn't willing to let Chloe know how weak and broken she really was.

Chloe used to come home pretty late in the nights but they always ate their dinner together, mostly in silence though. The only subjects they touched if they ever talked were either Chloe's JL activities or Lois's assignments.

Lois finished giving final touches to her article before her gaze fell on the small table clock that rested next to her laptop.

"It's pretty late," she mumbled as she picked up her cell phone to call Chloe.

However, she was greeted by her recorded voice.

"Chlo where are you? I'm waiting for you, not having dinner until you're home," Lois left a message and disconnected the call.

After a while, she rose from her chair and went into the living room. She turned on the TV before she walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. Her ears were set on the news until the word 'Superman' was uttered by the correspondent and her heart beat instantly rose. She put down the mug as she continued to listen to the news.

"The earth quake has completely destroyed most of the towns and villages and the number of casualties would have been great if Superman hadn't helped in removing the debris and pulling out the victims…"

She suddenly put down the coffee mug, raced into the living room and turned off the TV. Her heart was still beating hard inside her chest with the mere mention of his name. However, her eyes didn't have the courage to catch the sight of him on the TV.

For several minutes, she stood motionless in front of the blank screen with the remote in her hand until doorbell shook her out of her trance.

It took her a moment to gain back her composure before she opened the door, totally expecting it to be Chloe but surprised on finding someone else instead.

"Hi,"

"Ollie, hi," Lois uttered as she recovered from her surprise and stepped back from the door, "Come on in,"

"Hey, it's really great to see you too," Oliver replied sarcastically at the half-hearted greeting that he had received.

"I wasn't expecting to see you," Lois said as they walked into the living room.

"I can see that," Ollie said.

"I uh, I mean I thought it was Chloe," she was a little embarrassed over how rude she had just sounded.

"Sorry to disappoint you then," Ollie winked, a mischievous grin appearing on his lips.

Lois rolled her eyes and he chuckled softly.

"So, when did you fly back from Star City?" she asked.

"Last night," Oliver replied.

"Want coffee?" Lois asked.

"No thanks," he replied.

"Fine," she shrugged as she headed towards the kitchen, followed by Oliver.

"Chloe isn't home," Lois said as she entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, "Have you checked at the Watchtower?"

"Nope," Ollie replied.

"She isn't picking up her phone either, I really have no idea where she is right now," Lois added.

"I have, she's with Dinah and Bart and they're chalking out a plan for our next strike at Drake's hideout," Oliver informed.

"If you know where she is, why are you here?" Lois asked, confusingly.

"When did I say I was looking for her?" Oliver asked.

"Then why are you here?" Lois blankly repeated her question.

"Lois," Oliver shook his head disbelievingly, "What's wrong with you? Can't I come here to see _you?" _

"Hmm… okay," she replied as she took out the milk carton from the refrigerator and closed it.

"Actually I came to tell you that you did the right thing," Oliver said as he stepped into the kitchen and began in a serious tone, "He didn't deserve you; I still can't understand why you chose him in the first place…"

He suddenly witnessed the signs of a thunderstorm on her face and tried hard to suppress the silly grin that was about to form on his lips.

"Ollie, I highly doubt that being thrown from the balcony of a building in the heart of this city would be great for your public image… that is _if_ you survive the fall," she snapped.

He let out a laugh.

"See _now_ you sound more like yourself," he said.

She stared sharply at him.

"I'm sorry," he suddenly stopped laughing as a genuine look of worry and concern took over his expressions.

"Lois…" he began but she stopped him with a gesture of her hand.

"Oliver… don't," she said in a tone that was gentle yet firm.

For a moment he was surprised at the sudden change in her demeanor.

"Why not Lois?" he asked as his hands tucked themselves in the pockets of his dark gray slacks and he stepped closer to her.

"Because it's none of your business," she put the words in the simplest possible way, knowing very well that they would hurt him.

Except that they didn't even put a dent in his determination.

"Well let's see… it concerns one of my dearest friends, no I'm not talking about Clark," a smile formed on his lips as he noticed her death glare, "Even though he does come into the picture, because uh, we work together and it's not fun when he's extremely irritable, so um, yeah this is pretty much my business Lois,"

Lois let out a sigh of frustration.

"I'm sorry Ollie," she tried hard to sound gentle, "It's wonderful of you that you're trying to look out for me but I don't think I want to talk about this, okay,"

With these words, she attempted to walk past him but he took her hand in his and stopped her. She was surprised at his gesture until he pulled her towards the table in the center of the kitchen and made her sit on one of the chairs, before he sat down on another chair in front of her.

"Lois, I know it's difficult for you but you've gotta talk to someone," he said in a soft tone, "Keeping all that anger inside you is not good for you, or for your relationship with Clark,"

Lois felt that she would break into pieces. He was right. She was aching from inside. She wanted to talk, to cry and to scream. The pain was becoming too much for her to take, yet she knew that the moment she opened up to Chloe or Oliver, she'd loose the modicum of dignity and self assurance that she had left. She'd become so helpless and vulnerable in front of them that there would be nothing left in their eyes for her but pity.

"There is no relationship with Clark," she said, her voice shook as she uttered the words.

Oliver didn't say anything. He simply took her hand in his before he put her fingers on his palm and lifted it up, displaying her wedding ring that was still on her finger in front of her.

"Really?" he asked.

"Ollie, I really don't wanna talk okay," she tried hard to keep the frustration and anger away from her voice as she pulled her hand back.

"Okay, so then promise me that you'd go back to Clark and you two will talk this out, and I'll leave," he said in an adamant tone.

"Ollie you don't know a thing about what happened," Lois replied angrily.

"You're right, I don't," he said.

"Then why are we having this discussion?" she asked.

"Because Clark is completely broken Lois," Oliver said, "And now I'm looking at you and you look lost, even if I don't know what happened, I can still see that whatever it is, it hasn't stopped you two from loving each other,"

"What's the point of loving someone when the same love makes you hurt the other person so much that…" Lois left her sentence incomplete and suddenly rose from the chair.

She felt that she'd loose all her patience and begin to cry if she even tried to utter one word. She was on the verge of breaking apart right now.

"Lois whatever it is you two need to work it out before it completely destroys both of you," he said.

Lois shook her head and walked away from Oliver towards the kitchen counter.

"Oliver, there's nothing about it that can be worked out," she said.

She lowered her eyes, looking at the ring in her finger, her vision gradually started to blur as tears began to collect in her eyes.

Oliver let out a low sigh as he rose from his chair.

"You know I've always envied Clark," Oliver suddenly said after a few moments' silence.

Lois turned around and looked at him a bit surprised.

"Chloe and I, and the rest of us, we've all made mistakes in the past but Clark always had such a strong sense of right and wrong," he added, "So I find it hard to believe that he can falter too,"

Oliver paused for a second and looked at Lois.

"But then again, he's as human as we are Lois," Oliver said, "With the same fears and conflicts that we all have,"

"Having fears isn't wrong Oliver but letting those fears rule your heart and influence your decisions _is_," Lois replied.

Oliver sighed and nodded.

"Fair enough," he said resignedly.

Several moments elapsed in silence.

"Thanks Ollie," Lois finally said in a low voice.

"Hey… I'm here and you can talk to me whenever you feel like it, you know that right?" he said softly as he stepped closer to her.

She nodded, a small smile appearing on her lips.

He looked at her for a moment before placing a small kiss on her forehead.

"Bye," she said.

"Bye," he said.

After Oliver left, Lois's gaze fell on the ring in her finger again. She had struggled so hard with herself in the past few weeks, wanting to take that ring off her finger, yet even in her angriest and most devastating moments, there was a strong force that stopped her from breaking those threads that tied her to Clark.

"_I can still see that whatever it is, it hasn't stopped you from loving each other"_

Oliver's words echoed in her ears.

She knew he was right. There wasn't anything that could stop her from loving Clark.

_Continued…_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Extremely sorry for the late update. Work and exams got into the way. But no more excuses now. Here it is – the final chapter of Trepidation.

I am tremendously thankful to everyone who reviewed, bookmarked or added this story to their favorites list. I also immensely thank all those who haven't left any reviews but have still read and liked this story. It really means a lot to me.

Enjoy this rather long final chapter and do let me know how it was.

**Chapter 9**

Next morning, when Chloe walked into the living room of her apartment, the sun permeated through the glass windows and bathed everything in its soft and warm light. She put down her bag on the sofa before entering into the kitchen. As she had expected, Lois was already up.

"Morning," Chloe greeted as she stopped in front of the island.

"Hey, want coffee?" Lois asked, forcing a smile on her face, something that had become an excruciating task for her lately.

"There's nothing I want more right now than some caffeine in my system," Chloe chuckled as she dragged a stool and settled down.

"Here you go," Lois said as she put a mug of steaming hot coffee in front of Chloe.

Chloe picked up the mug and breathed in the tempting aroma before she took a sip.

"Hmmm… perfect," she said.

"Where have you been all night?" Lois put her coffee mug on the island before she pulled a stool and sat down across her cousin.

"I was with Bart and Dinah at Oliver's office, sorry I couldn't reply to your phone call earlier," Chloe replied.

"That's okay, Ollie told me you were busy," Lois said.

"Did he call you?" Chloe asked.

"No, he was here last night," Lois replied absently as she drank from her mug.

Chloe studied Lois's facial expressions for a moment. She could still see the same conflict on her face that she had seen that night when she had walked into her apartment after leaving her husband. Lois hadn't told her why Oliver had visited her but their topic of discussion was quite evident from the bags under Lois's eyes. She hadn't slept all night which meant that they had talked about her fallout with Clark.

Chloe desperately wanted to talk to Lois but she found it impossible to gather enough courage. Her talk with Clark hadn't proved to be very fruitful last night and there wasn't much hope that it would work with Lois either. The one thing that she was worried about more than anything else was that if she tried to push her, she'd disappear from her apartment and cut all ties with her and the last thing Lois needed right now was to be left alone.

While Chloe fought a battle with herself, Lois finished her coffee and rose from the stool.

"Gotta go back to work," she stretched her arms.

"Have you finished your article on Doyle Corp's fake building permit?" Chloe asked.

"Nope, but I have to finish it today at any cost, Perry's breathing down my neck for that one," Lois rolled her eyes while she picked up the empty coffee mugs from the island and stashed them into the sink.

"What about that Department of Defense article Lois?" Chloe had to muster all the courage she had in her to put that one across.

Lois looked up, surprised for a moment.

"I'm not working on it anymore," Lois tried not to make any eye contact with her cousin as she diverted her entire attention towards washing the mugs.

That article immediately brought all those painful memories to the surface, still her voice was so calm that it did not even hint at the storm of emotions that turned inside her.

"Why?" Chloe walked near the sink to stand behind her cousin.

"I don't want to," Lois replied.

"Because of what happened between you and Clark?" Chloe asked.

Lois's hand that was wiping the mugs with a napkin stopped halfway as she turned around in shock.

"I know," Chloe nodded slightly.

Lois let out a sigh.

"Lois…" Chloe began but Lois stopped her with a gesture of her hand.

"Chloe, please, I don't wanna talk about it," she stated firmly.

"For how long?" Chloe's determination finally matched that of her stubborn cousin.

"I… I just… I am not ready to discuss this okay?" Lois tried hard to sound calm over the storm of pain that had suddenly surged into her.

"You walk in here one night and tell me that you've left Clark and your home and then you say that you're not ready to talk about it and I'm supposed to do what? Not ask you anything and just watch you locked inside this apartment and chained to that desk for the rest of your life?" Chloe tried hard to keep the frustration from her voice but wasn't met with much success.

"Chloe, if you don't want me here I'll leave," Lois said.

"Do you honestly believe that I want you to leave?" Chloe was filled with anger and disbelief, "I am worried about you Lois, I can't stand to see you like this,"

"Chlo, I am sorry," Lois immediately softened on seeing the glimpse of tears in her younger cousin's eyes.

"You don't wanna talk to me; fine, but how long will you keep running from yourself?" Chloe asked.

"I'm not running from myself," Lois replied.

"Yes you are," Chloe was adamant, "You and Clark both,"

"I don't want to talk about Clark," Lois's voice quivered as soon as her lips uttered his name.

"Lois… I know what Clark did was wrong… but he is very sorry," Chloe paused for a moment before she added, "I talked to him last night, he's completely broken… just like you,"

Lois let out a sigh as she tried hard to stop the tears from crawling into her eyes.

"Lois, I've never seen him so defeated in my whole life… it's like he has lost the purpose of his life, not even Superman will be able to salvage Clark Kent if he continues to go like this," Chloe said in a breaking voice.

"Chlo… I know how much you love me and I know what Clark's friendship means to you, you can't stand to see us like this but the truth is that he—" she left her sentence incomplete because she simply couldn't gather the words to tell Chloe how exactly she felt about what Clark had done.

Chloe walked near Lois and put a hand on her shoulder. Her heart shattered into thousand little pieces every time she saw Lois in so much pain. The one thing she knew was that Lois could not live without Clark and he could not live without her. His mistake may have torn their relationship but it had also torn their hearts apart.

"Lois, we all make mistakes, that's what makes us human," she said softly, "You're the one who said this to me, remember?"

"Chloe, this isn't about making mistakes, it just means that every time we're going to disagree on something, he's just going to pull the rug out from under me… to make sure that I do exactly what he wants me to do… my thoughts and my choices won't hold any importance in his eyes, and I can't live with that," Lois's voice was suddenly burdened with emotions.

"No Lois… he just made a mistake but you know that the only reason he did it was to protect you, to keep you safe," Chloe said.

"Well, if I really bring out the worst in him then I guess it would be better if I stay away from him," Lois said before she walked out of the kitchen into the living room.

"Lois…" Chloe called out as she followed her cousin after a moment.

Lois turned around and looked at her.

"If you don't forgive him, you and I will loose Clark Kent, but the world will loose Superman," Chloe said, gathering all the courage she had one last time.

Lois felt as if she had been torn into a thousand little pieces. She could see the glint of tears in Chloe's eyes as she continued to stare at her. She wanted to say something but couldn't find the strength. Both women stood silently in front of each other for some time before Chloe left the room.

_Two weeks later_

_Chloe's Apartment _

It was around midnight. Lois was settled on the couch in Chloe's living room, which for the past two days served as her latest workstation. Her laptop rested on her thighs while she was deeply engrossed in putting together the final paragraphs of one of her articles. Papers, cutouts, scans and photographs were scattered everywhere around her on the couch and the glass table in front of it.

Suddenly, her cell phone buzzed with the arrival of a new text message.

She lowered her laptop screen and stretched her hand to grab her cell phone from the table. The message was from Chloe.

"_Swamped in work. Will spend the night at the Watchtower. Love ya"_

Lois replied to her message and went back to finishing her story. She didn't know for how long she continued to work until her exhaustion finally overcame her and she fell asleep on the couch.

She was shaken from her deep slumber when her cell phone suddenly rang. She groggily lifted her head and put her laptop aside before her hand reached the cell phone and she looked at the screen. It was Chloe.

"Chlo, what's up?" she muttered sleepily.

"Lois…" Chloe's voice stifled soon after she uttered her name.

Lois could feel a surge of panic and worry in her voice.

"Chloe what happened?" she immediately sat up on the couch, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay but—" Chloe left her sentence incomplete.

"But what Chlo?" Lois almost cried out, impatient and terrified all at the same time.

"Clark… Clark is injured Lois," Chloe finally managed to say.

For a moment Lois felt as if her heart stopped beating and her senses went completely numb until Chloe's words registered themselves in some deep corner of her mind and a tide of emotions hit her. She could suddenly hear her heart drumming inside her ears.

"What do you mean injured?" her voice trembled as she rose from the couch, "How can Clark get injured?"

She felt as if her legs won't be able to carry her weight.

"What happened to him Chloe?" she didn't know whether to scream or to just burst into tears.

"The guys went to Italy to hunt down Drake inside a chemical plant but it looks like he knew about our operation beforehand, his minions blew up the plant and escaped; Clark pulled all the guys out alive and unhurt but—" Chloe paused as if trying to gather words.

"But what?" Lois almost became hysterical.

She hadn't felt this frantic and terrified in her entire life.

"Lo, there was Kryptonite in there, so… so the explosion injured him… badly," Chloe revealed.

"How is he now? Where is he?" she felt as if her voice was breaking.

She was shaken by the thought of something happening to him. It was her worst fear. It was a nemesis that she could never fight. She didn't even have any idea when tears left the corners of her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.

"Lois, he's here, at the Watchtower," Chloe replied.

"I'm coming," Lois said.

"No… Lois… wait—" Chloe tried to tell her something but the call had already been disconnected.

Lois had no idea how she went downstairs to the parking lot and managed to get into her car. She had never driven so fast in her entire life. She desperately wished that she could just fly to the Watchtower. There was nothing in her world right now. There wasn't anything that held any meaning to her.

Her feelings and her thinking abilities had abandoned her the moment Chloe had told her that Clark was injured. Every sense and feeling in her had been replaced by a fear that was so strong that it overtook everything else.

The fear of loosing him.

"_Please be okay… please…"_

She whispered those prayers to all the powers of the universe out there. All the anger that she had felt for him in the past couple of months had suddenly evaporated into thin air. As her car speeded down the deserted roads, overlooking all the signals that must have come into the way, there was only one thing on her mind – she had to reach him. She didn't even remember anything else.

Her cell phone continually buzzed with Chloe's calls but she didn't have the time to stop and pick it up. She didn't even want to know why Chloe was calling her.

_What was she trying to tell her about Clark?_

Lois didn't even want to think about the possibility of Chloe telling her something that she didn't have the courage to hear. The one thing she knew was that she won't be able to live if anything happened to him.

"_He is going to be okay. He has got to be okay," she kept telling herself._

She didn't know when and how she arrived at the tallest building in Metropolis and led herself to into the elevator. She realized that she had reached her destination only after she threw open the huge stained glass door and ran inside the enormous hall that currently served as the headquarter of the Justice League.

She felt as if her strength had been drained out of her body as she staggered towards Chloe's desk and rested her palms on it. Beads of sweat rested on her forehead.

"Lois…" Chloe called out as she came running down the stairs.

"Chloe… where is he?" she was breathless and shaking.

As Chloe put her arms around Lois, she felt that her heart was threatening to shatter into a thousand pieces. She was used to seeing the strong, determined and steadfast Lois whose mind always worked like a soldier and a fighter. She wasn't used to seeing her so crushed, weak and torn.

"Lois," Chloe whispered again as tears crawled into her eyes.

Lois pushed her back and stared at her face.

"Chloe where is he?" she repeated her question, pouring all her fears and her love into words.

"He's upstairs, Dr. Emil is taking care of—"

Chloe couldn't even complete her sentence because Lois didn't wait any further and rushed towards the stairs. As she ran upstairs, she felt that her legs won't be able to carry her weight any longer. She had never felt this helpless in her entire life.

Her heart pounded uncontrollably inside her chest as she stepped on the last stair. She stopped dead in her tracks as her eyes fell on the sight before her.

He was lying unconscious on the bed. His forehead, his right shoulder and both his arms were covered with bandages. She stared wide eyed at the numerous tubes and needles hooked to his body. Dr. Emil stood next to his bed, checking his pulse while his gaze was set on the large monitor in front of him that displayed his heart rate and various other kinds of graphs and simulations.

The storm that flooded her heart suddenly broke all the stops that she had been trying to build in its way. Her vision blurred with tears and she ran towards his bed to sit next to his unconscious form.

"Clark, Clark," she frantically whispered his name between tears.

She combed back the hair that rested on his forehead with her fingers as she looked at his face, completely oblivious to the fact that Chloe and Dr. Emil Hamilton were also standing there.

Chloe couldn't stand to watch her cousin breaking apart like this as she quickly came to her side and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Lois… he's gonna be all right," Chloe wanted to comfort Lois but her own voice became burdened as she felt a lump in her throat.

Lois looked up at Dr. Hamilton who gave his head an assuring nod.

"What exactly happened to him?" Lois asked, her gaze returned to Clark's face.

"The Kryptonite in the factory exploded as a result of the blast and the tiny particles penetrated his skin, as a result his body became vulnerable to the injuries that were caused by the subsequent explosions," Dr. Hamilton explained.

"You mean that there's still Kryptonite in his body?" Lois was shocked and horrified all at the same time.

"No, I took out every single smallest piece of Kryptonite from his skin before it could penetrate his veins, reach his vital organs and do any irreparable damage," Dr. Hamilton replied.

"Then why aren't his wounds healed already?" Lois asked.

"It will take some time for his body to overcome the effect of the poisoning and his powers to return," Dr. Hamilton replied, "It could take a few days or even more than a week,"

"But he's no longer in any danger right?" Lois looked at Dr. Hamilton and then Chloe, seeking an assertion that he really was going to recover.

Her heart still thumped uncontrollably inside her chest.

"It may take some time but he's going to be fine Lois," Dr. Hamilton said, trying hard to sound reassuring enough to convince Lois who was about to break apart any moment.

Lois stared at Clark's face without blinking. She couldn't think about anything else but pain he was suffering from right now. It was as if she was deprived of every other thought. Her mind felt completely drained and exhausted right now.

Just then, a message flashed on one of the monitors behind Dr. Emil's back and a computerized voice echoed the words _'Incoming Call – Green Arrow' _throughout the hall.

Dr. Emil quickly turned around and looked at the screen before he rushed downstairs. Chloe however didn't move an inch. She continued to stand next to her cousin; with her hand placed on her shoulder. She wanted to say something but decided against it, for she knew that there were no words of consolation in the world right now that could soothe Lois's pain.

Lois's fingers gently ran in Clark's hair as the events of the past few weeks suddenly flashed before her eyes and a plethora of emotions returned to her. She felt completely torn by the conflicting feelings that filled her heart right now.

"Lois," Chloe softly whispered her name, her fingers gently rubbed her shoulder.

Lois's hand went up and held Chloe's fingers but her gaze did not break from Clark's face even for a moment.

"The team was trapped inside after the first explosion but Clark found a way out and flew everyone to safety," Chloe began, not sure how to even put the words together.

"Why did he go in there again if he had already brought everyone out?" Lois asked.

"They suspected that some of Drake's men might still be inside," Chloe replied, "Clark went back to scan the area when the explosions happened one after another, he was injured and buried under the rubble, the rest of the guys rushed in there and dragged him out moments ahead of the final explosion that destroyed the plant completely, when they brought him back here, we didn't know if he would even make it or not, but Dr. Emil managed to take out the particles of Kryptonite from his skin before the poisoning could spread,"

Lois could picture the entire scene before her eyes. The mere thought of the pain that he must have gone through was enough to completely tear her heart into pieces.

"Why didn't you call me sooner?" Lois's gaze suddenly broke from Clark's face and she turned around to look at her cousin.

There was nothing but a sea of anguish and anger in her red and swollen eyes.

"We decided that we won't let you know until he'd fully recover but—" Chloe left her sentence incomplete.

"But what?" Lois asked.

"He gained consciousness just for a brief moment and the only word that came out of his mouth was… your name," she revealed.

Lois closed her eyes and let out a sigh. In that mere moment, the ache and pain of the past months intensified more than ever. She suddenly wanted to scream but felt as if her voice would never be able to leave her throat.

_The only word that came out of his mouth was your name._

Chloe's words echoed in her ears again and again.

"I've to go," Chloe said softly after a moment, "The guys are still trying to locate Drake and they need my help,"

Lois was brought out of the labyrinth of her painful thoughts for a moment as she looked at Chloe and nodded.

As soon as Chloe left, Lois's gaze went back to Clark. Her fingers traveled down from his face to his shoulder and then to his bandaged hand that rested on his stomach.

He looked pale and lifeless as if blood had been drained out of him.

Lois didn't feel any different either.

Her life was drained out of her body too.

After she had received Chloe's call, the fears that she kept deeply hidden inside her heart suddenly came to surface. She hadn't even properly listened to what Chloe was trying to tell her. All she wanted was to reach him, to be close to him but her emotions kept running in all directions.

_What if he won't make it?_

The _'what ifs'_ followed by all the dreadful scenarios that ran rampant in her mind took away every single strand of patience and courage that she had left in her.

The thought of something terrible happening to him, the thought of loosing him, was scarier than anything else, even death. She had forgotten how angry she had been with him. The wedge between them seemed to have disappeared somewhere beneath the aura of fear and love that surrounded her soon after she had received Chloe's call.

The one thing she had come to realize over the past few weeks was that the ties that bound them together were stronger than everything else in the world. She may have been angry with him for what he had done, she may have refused to listen to his apologies, but the fear of loosing him was enough to shatter all those walls that she had desperately been trying to build around her.

"Clark," she whispered his name as she brought her face closer to him.

She gently put her arms around him and placed her head on his chest. She closed her eyes and continued to listen to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat that provided her with an assurance that he was safe and alive.

_Next morning_

Clark's mind returned from the deep silence of the valley of oblivion and the first thought that brought him to the world of the living was her thought. His heart whispered her name with each beat as if it had become a steady song.

The next thing to hit him was a surge of unbearable pain that ran through his body like electricity. His mind immediately flooded with the memories of the incident that resulted in this insufferable ache.

He gradually opened his eyes and saw nothing but an expanse of blackness before him. He frantically blinked several times and thankfully the light slowly began to return. He tried to move his neck and instantly drew a sharp breath as a surge of pain ran from his shoulder to his arm. He didn't try to move for the next few moments. His eyes wandered around as he began to get a sense of the familiarity in his surroundings.

He lowered his eyes and realized that a head rested on his chest. The black hair that was spread all over his right arm and the hands around his shoulder were suddenly united with a familiar scent and a thought registered in his mind.

_It was her._

_He couldn't believe it._

_No, it had to be a dream, a hallucination that his mind was making up due to his condition._

_But he could feel the rise and fall of her body as she breathed and he could also hear the steady rhythm of her heartbeat._

"Lois," he whispered her name.

The word came out like a desperate prayer rising from some deep corner of his heart.

She lifted her head up.

"Clark," she quickly pulled herself closer to him as her fingers instinctively cupped his face in them.

She felt as if she would go insane with the surge of emotions that stormed her heart right now.

He looked at her, without blinking, as if she was merely a vision that would disappear the moment he would flicker an eyelid. All he knew was that he was immeasurably thankful to the divine powers out there that they had allowed him to see her face again.

"Lois…" a trembling whisper came out of his mouth.

"Clark… how are you feeling?" she asked.

He didn't reply but continued to look at her face in order to drink in the sight that was before him and to fill his soul with her image, because he had no idea for how long she would be there before this dream would shatter.

Until the one feeling that was stronger than anything else took over him.

The feeling of remorse.

"I'm sorry Lois," the words finally found their way out.

A storm of tears left her eyes as she lowered her head on his. Their foreheads touched and they could see no other sight before them but each other's faces. Then her lips met his and their eyes closed almost as a reflex.

_Sorrows… Fears… Egos… Remorse…_

Every single feeling that had ruled their hearts and their minds for the past few weeks was suddenly gone. Only one thing was left.

_Love._

The feelings that were hidden in the deepest corners of her heart came out as soon as she captured his lips with hers, kissing them again and again.

His hands did not have the strength to pull her closer and fill her in his arms like he always did when they kissed. He did not even have the dilution to match her fervor and let her know how insanely he loved her, yet when he felt the sensation of her lips on his, the remorse, the pain of loss and the fears all came back to the surface and hit him with full force.

"Lois…" he breathlessly whispered as their lips parted, "Please forgive me…"

She shook her head.

"Don't…" she put a finger on his lips as she lifted herself from his body.

An unknown fear suddenly crawled into his heart again.

_Was she leaving him… again? Was this really a dream? A hallucination?_

"I'm going to call Dr. Emil," she said, trying to stand up.

"No… Lois please wait…" he had to struggle hard to find enough strength to say the words, "Please listen to me,"

"Clark now isn't the time to talk about—" she tried to say but he interrupted her.

"Now is the only time Lois," he replied, "Please…"

His imploring voice chained her feet to the ground. At that very moment, she felt as if her love for him had never been stronger. She wanted to pull him in her arms, take away all his pain and hide it somewhere inside her heart. The only thing she wanted was to comfort him and protect him from all the sorrows of the world, like he had always protected her.

She settled down on the corner of his bed and put her hand over his. He finally found the strength to entangle his fingers in hers, still not quite believing that she really was sitting in front of him.

"You're supposed to rest," she said in a soft voice.

He slightly shook his head.

"I broke your trust Lois; I did something that I should never have… I stole something from you…" he began as the thoughts that had haunted him for a long time suddenly came to surface.

"In the past few weeks, I don't know how many times I've thought about all those moments when my articles got published or I won an award and you couldn't stop telling me how proud you were of me and then I used to ask myself, when did that change?" she said.

He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again, she caught a glimmer of tears in his beautiful green eyes.

"Lois, when you started getting those threats, there was only one thought in my mind, there was only one fear, what if some harm came to you and I was not there to save you?" he said, "I couldn't stop thinking that if I hadn't been with you that night you were attacked… you could've… died,"

"Clark, this wasn't the first time I wrote a story that resulted in my getting death threats, this wasn't the first time my life was in danger for doing the right thing… you were supposed to be my strength, you were supposed to support me… not—" she left her sentence incomplete as her voice stifled.

Silence fell between them as both of them were overwhelmed by their emotions.

"There was this dream I saw…" he began after several moments, "That night after I saved those train incident victims in Seville,"

"What dream?" she asked.

"I saw a man holding the dead body of the woman whom I had failed to save that evening, and in that dream… he blamed me for her death because I didn't save her… and he asked me how would I feel if I lost someone I loved?" he said.

"Clark, it wasn't your fault, if it had been in your power you would never have let her die," she said.

"That wasn't the point Lois," he said, "I didn't save everyone… I failed… I saw those corpses in my dream… the faces of those people that I didn't save, they told me that I killed them and that dream kept coming back to me… each night after that Lois,"

Lois felt as if an unseen force had clutched her heart. He had been living in such agony for so long.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" she asked.

"I didn't want to worry you with my fears Lois," he replied.

Lois merely shook her head, her eyes filled up with tears once again.

"What if I lost someone I loved… what if someday the person I would fail to save would be the one who means the world to me…" he found it difficult to gather his thoughts and put them to words.

"And when I started writing that article—" she almost chocked tears.

"I felt as if that dream was some sort of a warning Lois," he completed her sentence.

"No it wasn't Clark, it was just a culmination of the regret that you always feel when someone dies in front of you, because you keep thinking that you could have saved that life… because you keep blaming yourself… and those faces you saw… were the faces of those fears and remorse that you keep hidden inside you. I can't for a moment believe that people don't think that you're a hero. You haven't killed anyone; you've only saved lives… thousand of lives," she replied after a moment's contemplation.

Clark was astonished for a moment at her words. He could never have inferred such a denotation from that horrifying dream that had haunted him for months.

_It was the face of his own fears. _

"I wish I had talked to you about it sooner Lois, but that dream precipitated my fears so much that it even took away my thinking abilities," his voice held acquiescence.

"Clark you're not always with me, you can't be, but that doesn't mean that you should stop trusting my judgments for the fear of loosing me," she said.

Clark merely continued to look into her beautiful hazel eyes to witness the plethora of emotions that stormed in them right now.

"No matter how powerful you are, you can't be everywhere, you can't save everyone and it's not your fault," she added softly, "You sacrifice your happiness and your life each day to save the lives of people that you don't even know, you use your abilities to bring people hope, then how could you let your fears rule you like this?"

"Because that thought had started to haunt me Lois… what if I lost a loved one?" he said.

"Clark no one has lost more loved ones than you have… no one has gone through the pain that you have, no one knows about the fears and sorrows that you live with each day… to help those who are in need—" she left her sentence incomplete as she felt a lump in her throat.

"May be I didn't want to loose another loved one… I didn't want to loose you Lois because I can't live without you," he said.

Her fingers went back to his face and she touched his cheek. All the love that was hidden in the deepest corners of her heart suddenly poured itself into her eyes as tears glimmered in them.

"So… I did something that I regretted from that very day," he added softly, "I know you won't trust me but I struggled each day, I couldn't destroy that envelope because I wanted to give it to you,"

"I know," she whispered.

For several moments, they merely continued to stare into each other's eyes, both overtaken by the storm of emotions that filled their hearts.

"I fear for your safety too Clark," she suddenly said, "Each day… when you're out there, saving people,"

He looked at her, surprised for a moment.

"Clark just because a bullet can't penetrate your skin doesn't mean that I don't have any fears," she looked into his eyes, "Every time you are away from me, in some distant part of the world, saving people from some disaster, there's always a fear in my heart, fear of something… like this…"

Her gaze lowered to his bandaged chest and shoulder before it came back to meet his eyes again.

"What if there's Kryptonite hidden somewhere and you become vulnerable, what if someone finds out your secret and tries to exploit you… what if you come upon some enemy who is more powerful than you… like Doomsday or Zod…" she tried hard to keep her voice calm.

He merely looked at her with nothing but the pain of realization in his eyes.

"Yes Clark, I fear for you each day, I am not relieved until you come back home safely," she said.

She paused for a moment, as if trying to gather words.

"To be honest, there are times when I desperately want to tell you not to leave me," she added, "There are times when I want to become selfish and tell you that I don't… I don't have the courage to share you with the world anymore,"

Clark was astonished and broken. He claimed to know Lois better than anyone. How could he never have realized that beneath the exterior of this strong and iron willed woman, there were so many fears and apprehensions, and they were all born out of her love for him?

_How similar we are to each other, but how brave she is and what a coward I have been, he thought._

"Then I remind myself that the world doesn't know Superman as a husband or a son or a reporter, they know Superman as a savior, as a symbol of hope," she said, "I can't take that away from them, because if I do, I won't just take their hope away, I'll also kill a part of you… and I can't do that… I can't stop you from being who you are,"

"But I tried to stop you from being who you were," he was filled with nothing but guilt, "I forgot that you have always been my strength not my weakness,"

"We will always fear for each other's safety Clark, but we can't let those fears rule us, we can't let them rule our lives," she said.

He nodded and closed his eyes, conceding to the truth in her words.

Her head lowered on him once again before she kissed him softly.

"Lois, please finish that article," he whispered as soon as their lips parted.

She immediately lifted up her head and looked at him. There was a storm turning inside his eyes right now.

"Seeing that article on the front page can be my salvation Lois," he pleaded softly.

"You don't need any," she shook her head.

She rested her head against his chest softly. He had to gather all the strength that was left in him before he was able to lift his hand and put it around her shoulder.

_One week later_

_Kent Farm_

Lois stood in front of the window of Clark's loft. The sun was rising on the horizon from beneath the curtains of the clouds, casting a golden spell on the cornfields.

She stood for a long time, with her hands folded on her chest. Her mind wandered everywhere yet there was no particular thought that dominated her at that time.

Just then, she heard footsteps on the wooden stairs of the loft and turned around.

Clark stood on the last stair with his hands folded on his chest. The way he looked at her with a soft smile playing on his lips was enough to raise her heartbeat instantaneously. He looked simply breathtaking in that grey T-shirt and pair of jeans, bathed in the warm glow of the sunlight.

"Hey," she smiled softly as her eyes looked him up and down to drink in the sight of his stunning form.

"Hey," he replied as he closed the distance between them and gently put his arms around her waist.

His heartbeat rose as soon as he took her in his arms. Her scent mixed with her lavender shampoo, the slightly damp locks of the dark hair that rested on her shoulders, the glint in her lovely hazel eyes and the way that light blue roll-up sleeved cotton blouse and the pair of low-waist jeans highlighted all the right curves of her shapely figure were enough to send his blood pumping through his veins.

Sometimes he felt as if there wasn't enough love in this entire world to be gathered and showered on this woman. The more he touched her, the more his body craved for her nearness. He devoured her with his eyes for a moment and then his lips lowered on hers. He caught her smile as he kissed her fervently.

As soon as the kiss ended, he lifted up his head to relish in her sight again. She looked so blissful and serene that he found it fascinating to simply stand there and watch her. He still couldn't believe that she was back in his life. He still couldn't find the words to thank her enough for having such an enormous heart.

"How are you feeling?" she asked softly, her hand instinctively moved up and touched the faint reddish spot on his forehead.

"Do you still need to ask me this after last night?" his eyebrow immediately shot up.

She could feel the mischief in his voice and in the sparkle of his beautiful eyes

"That still doesn't mean that you don't need to rest," her lips curved in a smile as she tried to push him back.

He noticed the faint blush on her cheeks with an amused grin playing on his lips.

"You're right, let's go to bed," he gave an innocent suggestion.

"Smooth Mr. Kent," she rolled her eyes as she pushed his hands away, finally succeeding in freeing herself from his embrace, "But you're the only one who's going back to bed, I'm going to work,"

"Actually, I'm going to work too," he said, "I'm already way behind my deadlines, Perry is gonna go ballistic,"

"No he is not, he's more concerned about your health than your articles, he knows that even his best reporters need a break sometimes," she placed a finger on his chest.

"But Superman isn't allowed to take any breaks Lois," he suddenly became serious.

"Clark your powers haven't fully returned," she shook her head, "There's no way you're putting yourself out there like this,"

"Lois, I'll be fine," he said softly, "Besides, the League needs my help in finding Drake and his men,"

"Clark what if you run into some trouble, you're still vulnerable to injuries remember?" she was suddenly filled with worry.

"Lois, I'll be fine," he said softly as he held her by her arms and pulled her a little closer, "This is something I've gotta do,"

The irony of his words dawned on him as soon as they came out of his mouth.

_If I can't stop myself from being who I am, how could I have stopped Lois from being who she is, how could I even have thought of stopping her from doing things her way, just because of my fears, just because I wanted to keep her safe?_

He looked into the deep sea of her eyes and felt as if she could see right through him. As if she could read him like a book and already knew what he was thinking.

"Fine," she let out a small acquiescent sigh and pushed him back again, "Go save the world, and leave Perry to me,"

A playful grin appeared on his lips and she rolled her eyes.

"Besides, there is nothing in this world these days that can make him mad at you, you're his star reporter right now, he's absolutely certain that your story on the chemical hazards caused by fertilizer plants is going to win the Pulitzer this year," she said.

His smile suddenly left his face.

"Yeah that," he let out a sigh and his gaze shifted from Lois's face.

"Anything wrong?" she didn't fail to notice the sudden change in his demeanor.

"Lois… I… well…" he began hesitantly, "I called Perry a couple of days back, and requested him to withdraw that nomination,"

"You did what?" she almost yelled in disbelief, "Why the hell?"

"Because I can't take that award even if I win," he replied as he looked into her eyes again.

"Clark you worked so hard for that story, it made such a huge impact, the topmost industries of the country, even Luthor Corp had to revamp their environmental safety plans after that article got published, why would you deny yourself something that you deserve so much?" she was so taken aback by his sudden announcement that she didn't even know how to put her words together.

"No I don't deserve it Lois," his voice was calm yet determined, "I lost the right to win it the day I betrayed you, the day I took away from you what _you_ deserved,"

She was stunned into silence for a moment. Then his words finally sank themselves in her mind and the rest of the emotions came rushing from some deep corner of her heart. The one thing she knew was that in that very moment her love for him dominated every other thought and feeling inside her.

"Clark no…" she shook her head, trying hard to fight tears, "You don't have to punish yourself like this,"

"It isn't a punishment Lois, it's only fair," he replied softly.

"No it isn't Clark, we have closed the chapter on what happened right? We've left it behind, we don't need to make it haunt our lives anymore," she looked into his eyes and her words came out as a desperate plea, "Besides, my article has already made the front page,"

"And Perry is sure that you're getting a Pulitzer nomination next year," a proud smile appeared on his lips as soon as he said the words.

"Yes, but what does _that_ have to do with your nomination?" she was frustrated now.

She wanted to be angry at him for being so unreasonable and stubborn yet she found it impossible to do so.

"After I bought that evidence from Elliot, I found it impossible to face you Lois, because I had to lie to you each day," he began, "I didn't just break your heart Lois, I compromised my integrity and my principles as a journalist, there's no way I can take this award, knowing what I did,"

Lois tried to say something but couldn't find the words.

"Besides, I've realized that there was no point in keeping you safe if I took away from you who you were, there was no meaning of preserving that empty shell if the person inside was already dead," he added.

Tears eventually left her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.

"I know that I'll always fear for you, I'll always want to protect you, but if I ever stopped you from being who you were, if I ever stopped you from doing what you wanted to do, I'll loose you anyway," he paused for a moment before gathering words, "And if I ever lost you Lois, then my life would have no purpose, I can't live… not as Clark… and definitely not as Superman…"

"Please don't take back this nomination," she begged him one last time, even though she already knew in some corner of her heart that he had made his mind and he won't change it.

"I already have Lois," he replied in a soft yet firm tone.

"But you deserved to win this," she whispered as she walked away from him.

She simply didn't have the courage to look into his eyes anymore.

"I'll have my deserved win when you get that Pulitzer next year," he whispered the words in her ear as he walked behind her and pulled her in his arms once again.

She could feel his smile in his voice. Her body gradually relaxed and she rested her back against his chest.

For the last couple of months, she had felt that her world had come to an end. Her heart had broken into a million pieces with the notion that he wasn't the man she had believed him to be, but right now, she was filled with nothing but an immense gratitude as she realized that Clark Kent was exactly the man who she had always known him to be.

A part of her was crushed to know that he had given up on his Pulitzer nomination, something that meant so much to him, but the rest of her, was filled with so much pride and love for him that she believed that even her entire life won't be enough to deluge those feelings on this man.

She let out a contended sigh and closed her eyes, feeling the same peace, love and safety that she always felt in his arms.

"_He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life" – __**Ralph Waldo Emerson**_


End file.
